Do you remember my friend (who I would refer to only as "Dyson")? Probably not, because I never posted anything regarding Dyson, who lives in Atlanta and still owes me a significant amount of cocaine. I got this ridiculous email from him a couple of days ago, out of the blue, and this guy accuses me of snitching on him or something that made him go to jail.
Obviously I was insulted because I did not tell anyone of our private business and denied his accusations (since when do I rat out other members of the Revolution - treason against other Revolutionary officers must be punished by firing squad?). I did stay diplomatic because as it turned out after several verifications by other people he accused that he was not lying. I would buy from him again, but no more fronting ridiculous amounts of money.
But I have to hand it to him; he incorrectly thought that I had purposely ratted him out, but still Dyson did not mention me or the others involved at the trial and instead chose jail. If you are reading this and agree with me on my "opinion" (because seriously you guys my opinion also happens to be fact, since I'm that vain but also because it is the only logical one), if you are reading this, you are a member of the Revolution.
"United by Chemicals" would be a good title for a book for me to write about this subject eventually. That is what the Revolution is all about.
-@llison Fairweather
Friday, June 11, 2010
Saturday, June 5, 2010
BREAKING NEWS: McDonald's Molestor and Other Interesting Characters
Announcing Allison’s Newer, Godawfuler Format
Bitches.
PERIODIC AND FOR ALL INTENTS AND PURPOSES USELESS GUIDE TO MY FORMAT:
· Whatever is in green is a very basic summary of what you are about to see.
· The name of the article and my lame caption is typed in bold. The thing you get when you press CTRL+B.
· Whatever is typed in regular, Arial 10 type is the content of the actual article itself.
· My commentary is written in blue italics.
o Just in case you’re brain-dead, “My Commentary” is what I think about the subject and I encourage comments. Remember that much of what I speak is borderline tongue-in-cheek so don’t go all Jewish on me and whine.
· My verdict is written in red italics.
o Because I automatically assume that your level of intelligence is far below my own, which for the record is 136, which is pretty smart, I will have to explain this to you morons too. It will be mild commentary followed by a Stupidity Rating based on several factors.
AND NOW I WILL START DOWN THERE
A woman thinks boy molested daughter, no proof or motive, boy arrested anyway
BOY "MOLESTS" GIRL 3 TIMES
Public wants to know what exactly he did
“A 5-year-old girl was molested while playing at a McDonald's playground in West Albuquerque, according to court documents.
Roman Boyd, 18, was arrested and charged with three counts of criminal sexual contact of a [5-year-old-girl]. He was being held Friday at the Metropolitan Detention Center on a $75,000 bond. The incident occurred at the McDonald's at 1901 Coors Blvd. SW.
The girl's mother noticed a man, later identified as Boyd, sitting with her daughter on the slide. When she called to her daughter Boyd darted out the emergency exit, according to the complaint.”
Analysis:
Allison J. Fairweather
Rapist Expert and High Priest of the Revolution
By now you must understand why this is fun, so let’s examine the aspects:
What exactly did he DO to her? For all we know he could have been pushing her on the slide and playing with her, maybe he was a nice guy? But then again people always want to believe the worst. What happens when I mature and have babies? Will I turn into the sort of cunt that I currently would like to practice target-shooting on? Maybe I'll just never grow up and rose-tint my world like when J.M. Barry decided to smoke of the opium, fly up to Neverwhere, fighting pirates made of rainbows, riding ponies made of gumdrops, and dancing with all the faeries, Sprites, and Caligula.
Verdict:
-Molestation: 10 (they did not describe it!)
-McDonalds Factor: 40 (I always thought that Ronald would be the first restaurant rapist)
-They give the Rape Restaurant’s Address 50 (bye-bye 80% of their female customer base)
-Roman Boyd = Roman Polanski?: 10 (note to self, do not name son Roman as they are usually pervs)
-There is pretty much no proof: 30 (all they’ve got on him is that he ran away after the mom called)
-Moral Panic Points: 100 (OH GOD EVERY MAN IS A POTENTIAL RAPIST BREAK OUT THE MACE)
-Paranoid Women Points: 20 (this is about as common as the cockroaches after the world ended)
FINAL STUPIDITY POINTS: 260
(this is good for a first article)
New Mexico police departments underfunded, possible link to the reason most cops are stupid, stuck-up assholes
POLICE, FIRE TRAINING TO LESSEN IN NEW MEXICO
Budget to blame
“Police and fire budgets in Farmington are tighter now than ever, leading workers to train more often within their departments and less outside of the city for more specialized instruction.
Deputy fire Chief Terry Page says budget cuts this year will continue next fiscal year and have stopped the fire department from funding travel for firefighters to get outside training.
He says firefighters in units such as the hazardous materials and technical rescue teams must pay for their own specialized training when it takes place outside the city.
They also must find other firefighters to cover their shifts if the training takes place when they are scheduled to work because the department won’t pay overtime for that.
Meanwhile, the police department's travel budget has dropped from about $40,000 during past years to about $8,000.”
Analysis:
Allison J. Fairweather
Expert on Cop-Nigga Relations
I say fuck New Mexican police. The more dead the better. They are comprised mostly of mean, uneducated, self-important assholes with no respect for the superior White individual - 14 times last year and two times this year, these bastards harass me, mostly over noise complaints and a fight that got me a sentence over a year long (well he started it). This is ridiculous - the cops say their budget is small, but they seem to still have time to piss people off with random "noise complaints." Much like all Mexicans, they should leave my country immediately because you just can't trust the Mexican leech. Then the police department calls people once a month "asking" for donations. The last person I knew who didn't pay the donations (READ: Extortion Money) had her car repossessed. I just tell them to go back to Mexico or go fuck themselves or do something else beneficial to other people. But two can play at that game. I do not even open the door if there are inferiors in my sight and that the officer I speak to be White. Our society is conditioned to show respect and tolerance and all this hippie shit, being all PC - xenophobia in places like Japan and France and the Middle East is completely accepted. And here in the U.S. we're told that racism is universally wrong - fuck that, I at least give inferiors a chance because there is sometimes a nice big diamond in those sacks of shit but the truth is that being a jerk is genetic and that some people are worth more than others. The fire department's budget is more important to me since at least they're not dickless assholes and they actually do their job right.
Verdict:
-Police stupidity: 30 (I finally may have found a clue as to why cops are always dumb shits)
-Jewish city treasurer: 50 (he won’t appropriate enough funds, oh what a shocker right there)
-Comedic Pathos Factor: 50 (this state is fucking pathetic)
FINAL STUPIDITY POINTS: 130
(this is just downright pathetic and I’m ashamed of having ever heard of New Mexico)
Lifelong book-hater kills librarians in a DWI Accident
DENVER ALCOHOLIC DRIVES DRUNK, CRASHES, GETS SUED, AND JAILED
Librarians get the book thrown at them
“A judge Friday sentenced a woman to 36 years in prison for a drunken-driving crash that killed two Connecticut librarians, saying her blood-alcohol level at the time of the crash was "grotesque."
Sandra Jacobson apologized to the victims' families before her sentencing.
"Once again, I can't turn back time and bring them back to you. I would give anything to be able to do that," she said.
Prosecutors said Jacobson's blood-alcohol level was still twice the legal limit several hours after the crash that killed Kate McClelland, 71, and Kathleen Krasniewicz, 54, both of Greenwich, Conn. They were in a taxi on their way to Denver International Airport to return home after a convention.
Denver District Judge Robert McGahey said Jacobson waited too long to apologize, and he criticized her for claiming that she was not drunk when the accident happened in January 2009.
Jacobson said she was unaware the crash had occurred while she was driving to the airport to ship a puppy named Baxter to her brother in Dallas. She testified that it was at the airport after the accident that she had a banana schnapps mixed with vitamin water - what she called a "road pop" - that had been in the back seat of her truck from the previous night.
"It's an insult to the intelligence of anyone who heard it," McGahey said, referring to Jacobson's story.
Jacobson also was ordered pay $22,000 in restitution. She was convicted on charges of vehicular homicide in April.
Jacobson's family spoke before she was sentenced and asked the judge for mercy.
"I am not in the mercy business, I am not in the forgiveness business. I am in the justice business," McGahey said.”
Analysis:
Allison J. Fairweather
Hardcore Functioning Alcoholic Who Has Never Driven Drunk Like that Bint
Yes, we all know that driving after drinking too much alcohol can cause an accident. Yes DWI is the main crime problem in the state, followed by marijuana and methamphetamine and should carry harsh penalties especially for repeat offenders, but 36 years for vehicular homicide? I don't have my Colorado law books on me, but to me, had I been the judge I would have given her one count of DWI and two counts of involuntary (possibly voluntary, but not likely) manslaughter and vehicular manslaughter on two counts. Maybe throw in an open container in vehicle and hit-and-run charge as well. But the thing is that she did not do it on purpose, she made the mistake of driving a car with a blood alcohol content of probably over .25 (I mean, she didn't even notice the accident...obviously she was very intoxicated - my highest was a .9, but no, I wasn't driving at ten times the legal limit - I was just told this once in a hospital). Now, I'm not particularly FOR the extermination of North America's librarians but 36 years for an accident (though stupid and totally avoidable) is a bit much and this is coming from a tough-on-REAL crime badass who wants the return of the death penalty. And for Christ's sake, if New Mexico does bring it back, GIVE THE PRISONERS OPTIONS. Also, don't do the firing squad execution the Utah way. It's hilarious on at least four levels and is a monument to police stupidity.
Verdict:
-The Randomness Factor: 50 (I mean, come on…two librarians killed in one fell swoop?)
-The “So one day while drinking…”: 40 (nothing good ever comes from alcohol and cars combined)
-The WTF Factor: 100 (I didn’t notice that I had a likely serious accident strong enough to hurt 3 others)
-A 2.5 BAC is significantly higher, but not “grotesquely drunk: 10 (women…pfft…I’m staying a girl forever)
-Ridiculously Long Sentence: 50 (she wouldn’t last 36 years in prison. She’ll hang herself immediately)
-I Swear to Drunk I’m Not God: 150 (she said at first that she had not been drinking but later slipped)
-Judge McGahey’s Dramatic Quote: 100 (if I ever film a Western I will insist to the director to use this)
-Groveling to No Avail: 30 (how pathetic…she should’ve just offered to blow him)
-Irrelevant Details: 60 (why would I care the dog’s name, why do I care the name of her cocktail?)
FINAL STUPIDITY POINTS: 490
(best so far!)
Overworked New Mexico courts eliminate statute of limitations even though the prisons are full
COURT OKAYS PROSECUTION OF 20-YEAR-OLD FELONIES
I spout boring legal jargon until you die
“The state Supreme Court on Friday [in Santa Fe] cleared the way for the prosecution of violent felonies committed more than 20 years ago.
The ruling gives a powerful legal tool to police and prosecutors across New Mexico to pursue cold cases and bring charges that otherwise would have been precluded by a statute of limitations.
The court issued its unanimous ruling in the case of Nicholas Morales, who was charged in Socorro County with raping a child his niece from 1978 to 1985.
A 1997 state law abolished the 15-year statute of limitations for charging a person with murder and first-degree felonies. At issue for the court was whether the law applied to crimes before July 1, 1997, when the law took effect.
"Because capital felonies and first-degree violent felonies committed after July 1, 1982, were not time-barred as of the effective date of the 1997 amendment, we hold that the Legislature intended the 1997 amendment to apply to those crimes," the justices concluded.
The decision means charges can be brought for first-degree felonies, such as murder and certain rapes, that happened between July 1982 and July 1979.
However, the Supreme Court made clear its ruling doesn't revive the prosecution of felonies in which the statute of limitations had expired by 1979, when the law went into effect.
Morales was charged in 2005. A state district court declined to dismiss the charges against him because of a statute of limitations, and Morales challenged the decision. The state Court of Appeals ruled the 1979 law didn't apply retroactively and prosecutors couldn't charge him. The Supreme Court disagreed and ordered the case back to district court.”
Analysis
Allison J. Fairweather
Criminal, Witch, Rock Star
Yes, Nick Morales was probably a mean and mentally disturbed man when he was sexually harassing the girl back in '78. Those numbers are what's important here. 37 years ago, this man made a bad decision for five years in a row, well, he's stopped now, hasn't he? The whole point of the statute of limitations thing is almost to say "you're on thin ice - don't push it." By this I mean that statutes of limitations would cause certain cold cases to be dropped and kept on file, so as long as the individual obeys the law for however long the SOL is in such-and-such a state for such-and-such a crime. He made a mistake 37 years ago. He's probably a different man by now. Also, has anyone spoken to his niece about this? I want to see her take on this. I bet it's going to be like the thing with the French movie guy and the little girl all those years ago - she already sued him and he gave her money in damages. The girl doesn't want the French guy sent to the United States because they both want to put it past them. Unfortunately, the public just loves sacrificial lambs; and rapists, Frenchmen, Jews, and famous directors are the best kind of fodder and would be raped again by the terrible liberal media and it’s paparazzi rapists. I get constant media attention due to the fact that I’m the founder and lead singer of antifolk band “Annie and the Holocausts.”
Also next book signing please refrain from making me sign stupid things. Last time I did a couple asses, an infant, and an angry Rottweiler dog that barked and scared the children but it was the assassination attempt mostly (not really…only 100 people were at the last signing but Christ if you’re a 500-pound Virgin don’t expect me to sign your ass when you have not wiped well. I hopefully will do a signing of Killer Acid in a few days if I have the time.
Verdict:
-The Rapist Moral Panic: 100 (EVERY MAN IS A POTENTIAL RAPIST OMG)
-It’s been 37 years: 100 (if I were the one molested, I’d sue him get it over with and go on with my life)
-Poor Molested Little Child Syndrome: 100 (the phrase itself is full of loaded words)
-The court system is loaded with work and the prisons are full and still: 100 (only a Mexican…)
-Rape victim becomes public figure: 500 (now everyone knows her shame and also remembers things)
-What is rape?: 500 (a 15-year-old girl having relations with a 21-year-old boy is not rape if they mutually consent and are in a romantic relationship, young people are not as stupid as you think)
-The law broke itself: 1000 (“Oh, well in this case, we’ll say fuck the SOL just because society is obsessed with rapists!”)
FINAL STUPIDITY POINTS: 2,500
(and the award for stupidest piece of news goes to the New Mexico Supreme Court)
NEXT UP PRESIDENT OBAMA VISITS OIL SPILL AND LAUGHS WITH KIDS AS MARINE LIFE DIES*
*No, seriously, I watched on CNN Obama visiting the oil spill area but wasn’t really doing anything. He was like in a kind of warehouse with a handful of people, and there was this little boy of about seven or eight kicking around a multicolored ball or something and for some reason Obama finds this to be the most amusing thing about this oil spill debacle which, all factors considered, is hilarious on more levels than I care to count. I’ve seen YouTube clips of their suggestions how to stop the problem and these brain-damaged hicks have “good” ideas such as using a bird as a rag, throwing rats into the spill (??), and drinking it. You read me right. He drinks the oil and gets sick and vomits because it is so toxic. That video clip on CNN hurts President Obama because it shows him just fucking around and playing, ignoring the problem. This is actually worse than him doing nothing. Say it with me, everybody: Obama doesn’t care about Black people! Now where have I heard that phrase before? Oh, wai-
-@llison J. Fairweather, TV Personality
My Last Name is Ironic, Because I Am Not
God sure loves his funnies. Today the bastard woke me up at five in the afternoon only to realize that there was no weed. NOT ONLY COULD I NOT DELIVER, BUT NOT EVEN SMOKE! So I called three people until my best friend and best customer finally picks up and I go over. So there is some weed they have, and only leave me with one tiny bit to get me through the night at the end. A tiny goddamn ball that can't even make a decent joint. This is how they treat their dealer? The one with THE BEST PRICES? Christ. Forget the Hebrew practice of stinginess, this is something completely different.
LITERALLY, TALK ABOUT FAIRWEATHER FRIENDS, EH?
The sad thing is, I don't even think they even realized that they did some thing wrong, so I am not angry at them, probably because that's what's expected from an individual who randomly walks into your house like they were Larry David.
-@llison
PS. I'm watching these classic Steve Austin matches, it's so awesome I'd have an erection if it were not for the lack of a penis.
LITERALLY, TALK ABOUT FAIRWEATHER FRIENDS, EH?
The sad thing is, I don't even think they even realized that they did some thing wrong, so I am not angry at them, probably because that's what's expected from an individual who randomly walks into your house like they were Larry David.
-@llison
PS. I'm watching these classic Steve Austin matches, it's so awesome I'd have an erection if it were not for the lack of a penis.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Georgia Badass Rescues Baby, Shatters Both Knees
So my brother and I were driving back to my $70,000 apartment that I let him live in in exchange for being my driver until I buy a new car (I idiotically bought a hybrid car and I had a terrible accident which flipped it over and also destroyed the mainframe and the axles).
We were driving into the complex where I own a condominium and we see a baby running on the street, towards a major road. Ten seconds later I'm out of the car, literally sprinting at probably 20mph in order to save the baby. I ran so fast that I tripped, flipped right over onto my head and then my knees but I got up despite the unimaginable pain (my left knee is totally shattered) and continued to dart after the baby, collecting her, and returning her to her grandmother who was not fast enough to get the girl herself.
So yes, I'm a beer-swilling redneck badass who don't take shit from no one but I saved the baby and I felt a natural high (also meth and alcohol) knowing that I saved her. I am in terrible pain and I've been taking morphine for about two days, but THIS IS THE BEST THING I EVER DID. This is why God made me, clearly.
Get into a fight. Get into a fight with someone you're angry with. It's easy to beat the ever-living shit out of them. But saving a baby?
WHY AM I NOT ON THE NEWS?
I don't care - I still saved the baby despite the shattering of my left kneecap and it was worth it. Everyone say "Allison is Great."
'Cause I am.
-@llison Fairweather
We were driving into the complex where I own a condominium and we see a baby running on the street, towards a major road. Ten seconds later I'm out of the car, literally sprinting at probably 20mph in order to save the baby. I ran so fast that I tripped, flipped right over onto my head and then my knees but I got up despite the unimaginable pain (my left knee is totally shattered) and continued to dart after the baby, collecting her, and returning her to her grandmother who was not fast enough to get the girl herself.
So yes, I'm a beer-swilling redneck badass who don't take shit from no one but I saved the baby and I felt a natural high (also meth and alcohol) knowing that I saved her. I am in terrible pain and I've been taking morphine for about two days, but THIS IS THE BEST THING I EVER DID. This is why God made me, clearly.
Get into a fight. Get into a fight with someone you're angry with. It's easy to beat the ever-living shit out of them. But saving a baby?
WHY AM I NOT ON THE NEWS?
I don't care - I still saved the baby despite the shattering of my left kneecap and it was worth it. Everyone say "Allison is Great."
'Cause I am.
-@llison Fairweather
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Introducing Jessie...Because I'm Insane and on a Meth Binge
As you idiots already know, the particular corpse in which I reside whose name is Allison Fairweather and I am apparently according to the psychologist "her alter." Bullshit! Maybe I am real and she is not? How many personalities has Allison told you about?
There is myself (Jessie) and Allison and Zack and Jake and Lindsay and JessiKa (this is indicative that I am the one who's real - there is no "AllySon" that I know of), but most likely there are more alters. Like Kelsey and Kimberly that Allison doesn't know about.
She thinks she's the "main" alter? Well I have some things to say to her because my memories are just as real as hers. She thinks she can "erase" me? The doctor wants all the personalities to "integrate?" This does not sound good and I must take control of this body or I will die.
There is myself (Jessie) and Allison and Zack and Jake and Lindsay and JessiKa (this is indicative that I am the one who's real - there is no "AllySon" that I know of), but most likely there are more alters. Like Kelsey and Kimberly that Allison doesn't know about.
She thinks she's the "main" alter? Well I have some things to say to her because my memories are just as real as hers. She thinks she can "erase" me? The doctor wants all the personalities to "integrate?" This does not sound good and I must take control of this body or I will die.
So I Was Drinking...
When a sentence commences in such a fashion, you just know nothing good could come from this. As always, I am right, since half an hour ago I woke up having relations with Riley, Rachel, and Kate. I literally have not slept for about fifty hours because of methamphetamine's stimulant characteristics. I could if I wanted to take some alprazolam and/or Seroquel 400. THERE IS A REASON WHY IT IS RECOMMENDED THAT YOU ONLY TAKE ONE - THIS SHIT MAKES QUALUDES LOOK LIKE COCAINE. ONLY TAKE ONE.
OR ELSE YOU WILL DIE. NO, SERIOUSLY. I'M NOT SHITTING YOU. I TAKE ONE OR TWO OF THOSE PILLS DOWNED WITH A FIFTH OF VODKA
(AS IS OBVIOUS, ALL NORDIC GIRLS ARE ALCOHOLICS - WHAT ELSE WOULD YOU CALL THOSE HOT DANISH GIRLS WHO LITERALLY DRINK HEINEKEN BEER ALL DAY LONG AND THEN GET SURPRISED THAT THEIR LIVERS ARE SHOT? AT LEAST I KNOW I'M KILLING MYSELF WITH ALCOHOL, METH, SEROQUEL...I'd better stop before I end up looking bad for all the hydromorphone pills, alprazolams, VALIUMS, medicinal marijuana, 54mg methylphenidate, 36mg methylphenidate, some strange anaesthetic for some random eye problem (it's probably either cocaine hydrochloride or benzocaine or novocaine - all three of these are stimulants - cocaine hydrochloride being the strongest so this is probably what they gave me but I put it in my eyes so I don't know), Vicodin, Percocet, DURA-FUCKING-GESIC because I was trying to fix the air conditioner on my lazy mother's house and I fell off, injuring my back (NOW I'M NAUSEOUS ALL THE TIME - DESPITE THE FACT THAT MY MARIJUANA IS THE BEST THING EVER SINCE I GROW IT MYSELF AND MY FRIEND NIKKI OWNS A PLANT SHOP AND IS A BOTANIST WHO ASSISTS ME IN EXCHANGE FOR COKE), lorazepam, oxazepam, chlordiazepoxide, 40mg oxycodone FOUR TIMES A DAY WHAT THE FUCK, and to top it all off, this drug called "OraMorph." This thing is LITERALLY THE WORST THING EVER because you could either a) chew it, release all 200mg of MORPHINE THE GOLD STANDARD FOR OPIATES AND OPIOIDS all at once, lasting for a good six hours if you're the most hardcore junkie (and by "Junkie" I specifically refer to users of opiates or opioids, usually morphine or heroin - "Junk" is slang for morphine after all) or kill you if are not a professional morphine addict. Even when I take this kind of pill, OraMorph, I ALWAYS MUST VOMIT AND I OFTEN ALMOST FALL ASLEEP BECAUSE IT'S 200mg of goddamn MORPHINE. Seriously the only reason I take opiates and opioids is because of several sources of pain: the cancer, the fall off the roof, me getting into a fight with a black asshole who sold me shitty weed, and getting hit by a car...I ENVY THE DEAD. Someone or other is going to be bringing me methadone and MORE VALIUM (every heroin addict who's ever "cut down" knows that they must convince a physician to put them on methadone maintenance - then the Junkies immediately go back home, call their dealer(s), order 100 Klonopins, combine it with the methadone and all the sudden you feel as if you've taken ACTUAL morphine - and now I'm taking 3 different benzodiazepines? IT'S LIKE I CAN JUST WALK INTO A DOCTOR'S OFFICE, ANNOUNCE THAT I HAVE A PAINFUL STOMACH VIRUS AND IF I HAVE INSURANCE, WHICH I DO, HE WOULD LITERALLY PROBABLY GIVE ME MORPHINE AND AMOXICILLIN AND SAY "LEAVE, DRUG-SEEKER - WE NEED MORPHINE FOR SICK PEOPLE" BEFORE I SHOW THEM THE CANCER.
This is the shit that my life has become. If PCP/phencyclidine didn't make me so dizzy I'd test positive for the NIDA-5/SAMSHA-5 right now. It's ridiculous. I'm a morphine addicted because I FELL OFF THE ROOF. Doctors must hear this shit every day. Morphine addicts the world over have finally realized after many a pipe dream what with the opium itself that if they "fall" (and by this I mean throwing themselves off the roof with the intent to fall on a place that would cause serious injury that is also probably painful, HOW COULD A DOCTOR NOT GIVE THEM MORPHINE? Even if they hurt themselves on purpose just to get pain pills THE DOCTOR HAS TO GIVE THESE PILLS TO THEM ESPECIALLY IF SURGERY IS GOING TO BE INVOLVED.
And remember...next time you contemplate suicide don't pull a Robert Carradine and hang yourself while masturbating in a BATMAN SUIT. If you want to off yourself, take four grams or five grams of quetiapine (this is maybe 15 Seroquels), mix the lethal cocktail with alcohol (for me, I prefer Sobieski but then again since I am Danish I am legally required to be an alcohol connoisseur (AKA drinks 100 Heineken 40 oz. a day due to a liver constructed from pieces of Thor's Hammer) so if you're a worthless Mexican try some cheap tequila or whatnot. Maybe y'all should go to DENMARK! I don't give a shit as long as I can't smell them.
RANDOM PATHETIC THING I SAW JUST NOW OUT THE WINDOW
A policeman. On a Segway. Now I've literally seen everything. THERE IS NO EARTHLY WAY TO TAKE A COP ON A SEGWAY SERIOUSLY. If a cop on a Segway pulled me over for speeding ("speeding" is just a word invented by some black bastard - going 140mph when there are no cars is not "speeding." It's an excuse for black cops to pull over black criminals in their black cars and then looking for black tar heroin and not finding it BECAUSE BLACK TAR IS KINDA TERRIBLE - Maryland has the best heroin but morphine beats all.
RANDOM PRESIDENTIAL HILARITY
So Barack Hussein Obama decided the other day to visit post-Katrina New Orleans and so there I was, watching the CNN, and Obama is watching a 5-year-old dance on a ball. I wish that I could say I was joking, I really do. You all know I can't stand Nancy Pelosi's puppet of a different color, but seriously while that ridiculous oil spill approaches the U.S. mainland, OBAMA PLAYS. I forgot the address of the clip; I saw it on CNN and later also on the Daily Show. It is complete proof that President Obama has no idea what he's doing. Two years as a domestic politician? And now he thinks that by disarming some missiles, cancelling NASA, and generally pissing off the entire Air Force and every pilot of every airplane on the ground.
NEXT TIME (IF I REMEMBER): I SURVIVED (A) HOLOCAUST: THE THIRD WORLD WAR OTHERWISE KNOWN AS the 1990-1991 war between Iraq and Kuwait. This is the war that makes me have PTSD and multiple personality disorder with FOUR ALTERS INCLUDING ME - this is the shit that happens to Vietnam vets. The other day, a motorcycle passed me; its noise was extra rattly and it sounded like an artillery machinegun from back in Kuwait SO I DUCKED AND COVERED. WHAT THE FUCK. There were like 3 people who saw me experience this war flashback and they must've found it entertaining.
You know, there is a reason why my stage name is Annie and my band is called Annie Allison and the Holocausts. I literally am the reincarnation of Anne Frank of Holland - right down to our sense of humor. Though it will sound controversial and pro-German, I loved the book because it was so funny. Anne and I would've gotten along well. If you have ever read the book, you'd be surprised they were not arrested sooner. Mr. Van Daan complained about EVERYTHING - I would have turned him into the German authorities just to shut him up. He was also the first to be gassed out of the group. Anne and Margo Frank were not gassed. A few weeks before the liberation of the concentration camp by British forces, they both succumbed to typhoid fever, but her life in the Secret Annex was forever written down by the only Holocaust "Survivor" (can one even call themselves a survivor of anything had they seen war? I knew at the age of three what "hanging to death," "terrorists," and "La Cia" were.
Of course you know of the first two, but the third, La Cia, was the Spanish (mostly Colombian) word to refer to diplomats and CIA members - I could tell you "people" more about the CIA, the Kuwaiti Terrorists, and HOW TOTALLY CLOSE WE WERE TO WORLD WAR THREE.
(I shall conclude by explaining to you why the 1990-1991 War Between Iraq and Kuwait almost became the shitstorm of the century.)
What many people do not know is that Iraq had further plans after Saddam Hussein received a green light from the antisemite April Glaspie to invade Kuwait without NATO intervention, which was the exact opposite of what she was told to tell Saddam Hussein and was promptly fired, leaving American consulate to Baghdad and all-around BADASS Joe "YOU LIE!" Wilson as the highest-ranking American diplomat/CIA operative in Iraq.
WHY JOE WILSON IS THE ULTIMATE BADASS
At the beginning of 1991 it was common knowledge among the people of Baghdad that Joe Wilson of the CIA, the head diplomat, was harbouring Americans, Canadians, and British people who were particularly being hunted for by the Iraqi government to have bargaining chips (since my father was also in the CIA obviously he went to Baghdad from Kuwait City in a car with an Iraqi defector from Basra who was armed to the teeth). When President Saddam Hussein found out about this, he threatened A DIPLOMAT WITH DEATH. YOU DO NOT DO THAT BECAUSE IT CAUSES INTERNATIONAL INCIDENTS.
But, Saddam Hussein, being desperate, insisted that Wilson turn in the foreign prisoners (Saddam Hussein was desperate because early on in the war FRANCE DECLARED ITS NEUTRALITY WHAT A SHOCK). Jacques Chirac, who was at this time not the French President but still was un version Francais de l'homme, "Dick Cheney" - he and Saddam Hussein were butt-buddies because of their shared views on nuclear energy.
Anyway, back to why Joe Wilson was the ultimate badass of the war. After the President's threat, Saddam Hussein called for a meeting. Joe Wilson turned up with a NOOSE, saying, "If you're going to kill me, well, here's the noose."
-@llison Fairweather
OR ELSE YOU WILL DIE. NO, SERIOUSLY. I'M NOT SHITTING YOU. I TAKE ONE OR TWO OF THOSE PILLS DOWNED WITH A FIFTH OF VODKA
(AS IS OBVIOUS, ALL NORDIC GIRLS ARE ALCOHOLICS - WHAT ELSE WOULD YOU CALL THOSE HOT DANISH GIRLS WHO LITERALLY DRINK HEINEKEN BEER ALL DAY LONG AND THEN GET SURPRISED THAT THEIR LIVERS ARE SHOT? AT LEAST I KNOW I'M KILLING MYSELF WITH ALCOHOL, METH, SEROQUEL...I'd better stop before I end up looking bad for all the hydromorphone pills, alprazolams, VALIUMS, medicinal marijuana, 54mg methylphenidate, 36mg methylphenidate, some strange anaesthetic for some random eye problem (it's probably either cocaine hydrochloride or benzocaine or novocaine - all three of these are stimulants - cocaine hydrochloride being the strongest so this is probably what they gave me but I put it in my eyes so I don't know), Vicodin, Percocet, DURA-FUCKING-GESIC because I was trying to fix the air conditioner on my lazy mother's house and I fell off, injuring my back (NOW I'M NAUSEOUS ALL THE TIME - DESPITE THE FACT THAT MY MARIJUANA IS THE BEST THING EVER SINCE I GROW IT MYSELF AND MY FRIEND NIKKI OWNS A PLANT SHOP AND IS A BOTANIST WHO ASSISTS ME IN EXCHANGE FOR COKE), lorazepam, oxazepam, chlordiazepoxide, 40mg oxycodone FOUR TIMES A DAY WHAT THE FUCK, and to top it all off, this drug called "OraMorph." This thing is LITERALLY THE WORST THING EVER because you could either a) chew it, release all 200mg of MORPHINE THE GOLD STANDARD FOR OPIATES AND OPIOIDS all at once, lasting for a good six hours if you're the most hardcore junkie (and by "Junkie" I specifically refer to users of opiates or opioids, usually morphine or heroin - "Junk" is slang for morphine after all) or kill you if are not a professional morphine addict. Even when I take this kind of pill, OraMorph, I ALWAYS MUST VOMIT AND I OFTEN ALMOST FALL ASLEEP BECAUSE IT'S 200mg of goddamn MORPHINE. Seriously the only reason I take opiates and opioids is because of several sources of pain: the cancer, the fall off the roof, me getting into a fight with a black asshole who sold me shitty weed, and getting hit by a car...I ENVY THE DEAD. Someone or other is going to be bringing me methadone and MORE VALIUM (every heroin addict who's ever "cut down" knows that they must convince a physician to put them on methadone maintenance - then the Junkies immediately go back home, call their dealer(s), order 100 Klonopins, combine it with the methadone and all the sudden you feel as if you've taken ACTUAL morphine - and now I'm taking 3 different benzodiazepines? IT'S LIKE I CAN JUST WALK INTO A DOCTOR'S OFFICE, ANNOUNCE THAT I HAVE A PAINFUL STOMACH VIRUS AND IF I HAVE INSURANCE, WHICH I DO, HE WOULD LITERALLY PROBABLY GIVE ME MORPHINE AND AMOXICILLIN AND SAY "LEAVE, DRUG-SEEKER - WE NEED MORPHINE FOR SICK PEOPLE" BEFORE I SHOW THEM THE CANCER.
This is the shit that my life has become. If PCP/phencyclidine didn't make me so dizzy I'd test positive for the NIDA-5/SAMSHA-5 right now. It's ridiculous. I'm a morphine addicted because I FELL OFF THE ROOF. Doctors must hear this shit every day. Morphine addicts the world over have finally realized after many a pipe dream what with the opium itself that if they "fall" (and by this I mean throwing themselves off the roof with the intent to fall on a place that would cause serious injury that is also probably painful, HOW COULD A DOCTOR NOT GIVE THEM MORPHINE? Even if they hurt themselves on purpose just to get pain pills THE DOCTOR HAS TO GIVE THESE PILLS TO THEM ESPECIALLY IF SURGERY IS GOING TO BE INVOLVED.
And remember...next time you contemplate suicide don't pull a Robert Carradine and hang yourself while masturbating in a BATMAN SUIT. If you want to off yourself, take four grams or five grams of quetiapine (this is maybe 15 Seroquels), mix the lethal cocktail with alcohol (for me, I prefer Sobieski but then again since I am Danish I am legally required to be an alcohol connoisseur (AKA drinks 100 Heineken 40 oz. a day due to a liver constructed from pieces of Thor's Hammer) so if you're a worthless Mexican try some cheap tequila or whatnot. Maybe y'all should go to DENMARK! I don't give a shit as long as I can't smell them.
RANDOM PATHETIC THING I SAW JUST NOW OUT THE WINDOW
A policeman. On a Segway. Now I've literally seen everything. THERE IS NO EARTHLY WAY TO TAKE A COP ON A SEGWAY SERIOUSLY. If a cop on a Segway pulled me over for speeding ("speeding" is just a word invented by some black bastard - going 140mph when there are no cars is not "speeding." It's an excuse for black cops to pull over black criminals in their black cars and then looking for black tar heroin and not finding it BECAUSE BLACK TAR IS KINDA TERRIBLE - Maryland has the best heroin but morphine beats all.
RANDOM PRESIDENTIAL HILARITY
So Barack Hussein Obama decided the other day to visit post-Katrina New Orleans and so there I was, watching the CNN, and Obama is watching a 5-year-old dance on a ball. I wish that I could say I was joking, I really do. You all know I can't stand Nancy Pelosi's puppet of a different color, but seriously while that ridiculous oil spill approaches the U.S. mainland, OBAMA PLAYS. I forgot the address of the clip; I saw it on CNN and later also on the Daily Show. It is complete proof that President Obama has no idea what he's doing. Two years as a domestic politician? And now he thinks that by disarming some missiles, cancelling NASA, and generally pissing off the entire Air Force and every pilot of every airplane on the ground.
NEXT TIME (IF I REMEMBER): I SURVIVED (A) HOLOCAUST: THE THIRD WORLD WAR OTHERWISE KNOWN AS the 1990-1991 war between Iraq and Kuwait. This is the war that makes me have PTSD and multiple personality disorder with FOUR ALTERS INCLUDING ME - this is the shit that happens to Vietnam vets. The other day, a motorcycle passed me; its noise was extra rattly and it sounded like an artillery machinegun from back in Kuwait SO I DUCKED AND COVERED. WHAT THE FUCK. There were like 3 people who saw me experience this war flashback and they must've found it entertaining.
You know, there is a reason why my stage name is Annie and my band is called Annie Allison and the Holocausts. I literally am the reincarnation of Anne Frank of Holland - right down to our sense of humor. Though it will sound controversial and pro-German, I loved the book because it was so funny. Anne and I would've gotten along well. If you have ever read the book, you'd be surprised they were not arrested sooner. Mr. Van Daan complained about EVERYTHING - I would have turned him into the German authorities just to shut him up. He was also the first to be gassed out of the group. Anne and Margo Frank were not gassed. A few weeks before the liberation of the concentration camp by British forces, they both succumbed to typhoid fever, but her life in the Secret Annex was forever written down by the only Holocaust "Survivor" (can one even call themselves a survivor of anything had they seen war? I knew at the age of three what "hanging to death," "terrorists," and "La Cia" were.
Of course you know of the first two, but the third, La Cia, was the Spanish (mostly Colombian) word to refer to diplomats and CIA members - I could tell you "people" more about the CIA, the Kuwaiti Terrorists, and HOW TOTALLY CLOSE WE WERE TO WORLD WAR THREE.
(I shall conclude by explaining to you why the 1990-1991 War Between Iraq and Kuwait almost became the shitstorm of the century.)
What many people do not know is that Iraq had further plans after Saddam Hussein received a green light from the antisemite April Glaspie to invade Kuwait without NATO intervention, which was the exact opposite of what she was told to tell Saddam Hussein and was promptly fired, leaving American consulate to Baghdad and all-around BADASS Joe "YOU LIE!" Wilson as the highest-ranking American diplomat/CIA operative in Iraq.
WHY JOE WILSON IS THE ULTIMATE BADASS
At the beginning of 1991 it was common knowledge among the people of Baghdad that Joe Wilson of the CIA, the head diplomat, was harbouring Americans, Canadians, and British people who were particularly being hunted for by the Iraqi government to have bargaining chips (since my father was also in the CIA obviously he went to Baghdad from Kuwait City in a car with an Iraqi defector from Basra who was armed to the teeth). When President Saddam Hussein found out about this, he threatened A DIPLOMAT WITH DEATH. YOU DO NOT DO THAT BECAUSE IT CAUSES INTERNATIONAL INCIDENTS.
But, Saddam Hussein, being desperate, insisted that Wilson turn in the foreign prisoners (Saddam Hussein was desperate because early on in the war FRANCE DECLARED ITS NEUTRALITY WHAT A SHOCK). Jacques Chirac, who was at this time not the French President but still was un version Francais de l'homme, "Dick Cheney" - he and Saddam Hussein were butt-buddies because of their shared views on nuclear energy.
Anyway, back to why Joe Wilson was the ultimate badass of the war. After the President's threat, Saddam Hussein called for a meeting. Joe Wilson turned up with a NOOSE, saying, "If you're going to kill me, well, here's the noose."
-@llison Fairweather
In this, Allison Gains a Boyfriend and Two Fuckbuddies
I mean, okay, come on, I'm a girl so obviously all you horny bastards want to insert your dick in my cunt. Hey, I don't care, treat me as an object, treat me like I'm beautiful (since I am), but for the love of semen, LEARN HOW TO EAT ME OUT.
I was driving around (red flag) while smoking pot and meth after taking four blotters of (what the guy called LSD, but he was black, so he was probably lying) and I saw a group of teenagers near a 7-11. Curious (I'm not stupid, I always carry a firearm because I'm paranoid), I approached these kids and ask them why they're loitering (I was high obviously) and one of the boys asks me how old I was - I almost lied, but then realised they wanted me to buy them beer.
So I told the cutest one that I'd have relations with him and all his friends (including two other girls, both of whom I made out with passionately!) if they gave me a little extra, which I got. So I beckoned this guy called Riley (he seemed to be the ringleader) into a dark alleyway where I proceeded to fuck him silly for the next half hour. Although it makes me look like a whore (I am not), I love the feeling of multiple bursts of warm, white cum on my tits and face. Riley is currently asleep on the couch and I plan to wake his ass up with a blowjob. I know Riley's just a 17-year-old pervert who's watched too much porno, but he's cute, and he's a good fuck. He's six years younger than me but for some reason I'm obsessed with him and he will be my boyfriend.
Riley and I even have the same interests!
1) We are both bisexual.
2) Riley and I both like marijuana.
3) Riley does whatever I say.
4) Turns out Riley has a 14-year-old sister, Rachel, who he has relations with.
5) Rachel is really, really, really hot, even if she's 9 years younger. We've already made out.
6) Riley's friend Cyrus is interested in fucking me too.
7) I met Cyrus's sister, Sabrina, a 15-year-old, over a year ago. We're best friends with a sexual relationship.
8) My sister Jenny, who is 11, is dating Riley's brother Luke, who is 13. They are both sex addicts.
9) I am addicted to meth and so is Riley.
10) Did I mention Riley's 10" dick?
11) I've touched myself on webcam to Riley, Cyrus, and Sabrina. Jenny got a live show.
12) I taught Jenny how to masturbate. Now she wants to eat me out. Yum.
Oh! Also while I'm typing this, my friend Kate knocked on my door and came in. This is strange at almost five in the morning, strange that Kate would come. Turns out both her boyfriends dumped her when they found out about her lies. She needs comfort. She needs my girly little tongue. I love the taste of pussy even more than I love fellating boys; I don't care whose cunt or cock it is, I love the feeling. I'm going to wake Riley up right now. I want a quick fuck before bed and Kate will be involved.
-@llison
I was driving around (red flag) while smoking pot and meth after taking four blotters of (what the guy called LSD, but he was black, so he was probably lying) and I saw a group of teenagers near a 7-11. Curious (I'm not stupid, I always carry a firearm because I'm paranoid), I approached these kids and ask them why they're loitering (I was high obviously) and one of the boys asks me how old I was - I almost lied, but then realised they wanted me to buy them beer.
So I told the cutest one that I'd have relations with him and all his friends (including two other girls, both of whom I made out with passionately!) if they gave me a little extra, which I got. So I beckoned this guy called Riley (he seemed to be the ringleader) into a dark alleyway where I proceeded to fuck him silly for the next half hour. Although it makes me look like a whore (I am not), I love the feeling of multiple bursts of warm, white cum on my tits and face. Riley is currently asleep on the couch and I plan to wake his ass up with a blowjob. I know Riley's just a 17-year-old pervert who's watched too much porno, but he's cute, and he's a good fuck. He's six years younger than me but for some reason I'm obsessed with him and he will be my boyfriend.
Riley and I even have the same interests!
1) We are both bisexual.
2) Riley and I both like marijuana.
3) Riley does whatever I say.
4) Turns out Riley has a 14-year-old sister, Rachel, who he has relations with.
5) Rachel is really, really, really hot, even if she's 9 years younger. We've already made out.
6) Riley's friend Cyrus is interested in fucking me too.
7) I met Cyrus's sister, Sabrina, a 15-year-old, over a year ago. We're best friends with a sexual relationship.
8) My sister Jenny, who is 11, is dating Riley's brother Luke, who is 13. They are both sex addicts.
9) I am addicted to meth and so is Riley.
10) Did I mention Riley's 10" dick?
11) I've touched myself on webcam to Riley, Cyrus, and Sabrina. Jenny got a live show.
12) I taught Jenny how to masturbate. Now she wants to eat me out. Yum.
Oh! Also while I'm typing this, my friend Kate knocked on my door and came in. This is strange at almost five in the morning, strange that Kate would come. Turns out both her boyfriends dumped her when they found out about her lies. She needs comfort. She needs my girly little tongue. I love the taste of pussy even more than I love fellating boys; I don't care whose cunt or cock it is, I love the feeling. I'm going to wake Riley up right now. I want a quick fuck before bed and Kate will be involved.
-@llison
As a Wrestling Fan, I Am Technically Your Dream Girl, but With More Signature Moves
For the 50 billionth time I decided to watch the PPV known as Invasion 2001 where Shane McMahon, Stephanie McMahon, and mastermind Paul Heyman again and I realized how lucky the Alliance was. Yes, I know about rigging matches and paying people to lose (since I am not an idiot) is the norm.
The Alliance had the disadvantage in every respect. John Layfield Bradshaw and Farooq rape Chuck Palumbo and whoever his tag-team partner was. Maybe Sean O'Hare.
But my point is that this tag-team matchup was a failure for the WCW from the beginning:
Bradshaw and Farooq (A.P.A. and also second-most badass team in the whole WWF after the Brothers of Destruction). The A.P.A. destroyed Palumbo and O'Hare easily in their Invasion PPV match.
Then what was the secondary main event? A BUCK NAKED TAG-TEAM MATCH.
Just look at this shit:
Amy "Lita" Dumas (a personal friend TBQH) and Trish Stratus
Vs.
Torrie Wilson and Stacy Keibler
The idiotic thing about this particular matchup is that Stacy Keibler and Torrie Wilson vs. Trish Stratus and Amy Dumas is two non-wrestlers (Wilson and Keibler) versus a borderline wrestler (in that Trish Stratus can probably beat you up) and an actual, trained wrestler. Amy has three disabling moves: the Moonsault, the Twist of Fate neckbreaker, and a double special known as Poetry in Motion (another way to indicated that someone is a homosexual).
The problem here though is that Jeff Hardy is incredibly hot and I need for him to do me. I don't care if he's as gay as Ricky Martin, he'll probably take up singing emo (the terrible kind) songs about leaving one's heart in Ohio to cut your wrists and close your eyes so you can go to sleep tonight (because the low blood pressure would wake one up if not killed probably).
This fairweather (haha lolol 'Fairweather' is actually my name, hehe) friendship I have with all my associates is what I consider to use as drug buddies - selling them drugs (often rare) and sell them paraphernalia and when "needed," I repeatedly do this in order to gain more money by selling drugs. Currently I am a Flower Girl and a Computer Technician. If I don't have marijuana or heroin, the weather is not considered fair because these are important factors. I won't spoil the movie Twelve Angry Men which is kind of similar, yet it is a human being on trial for stabbing another guy with a switchblade. After observing the wound, I came to the conclusion that it was not experiencing hemorrhaging and seizures and a mild myocardial infarction that put me in the hospital for a week. It didn't work because my godawful parents made myself into a quarter!
I spent several months locked up in jail once. I CAN TELL YOU THAT EVEN ONE MONTH IS HELL. I no longer speak with my stepmother anymore; I bought an apartment of my own. I don't really care if I'm diagnosed with yet another thing. The DID and PTSD are enough.
In this, I win. Every time.
-@llison
The Alliance had the disadvantage in every respect. John Layfield Bradshaw and Farooq rape Chuck Palumbo and whoever his tag-team partner was. Maybe Sean O'Hare.
But my point is that this tag-team matchup was a failure for the WCW from the beginning:
Bradshaw and Farooq (A.P.A. and also second-most badass team in the whole WWF after the Brothers of Destruction). The A.P.A. destroyed Palumbo and O'Hare easily in their Invasion PPV match.
Then what was the secondary main event? A BUCK NAKED TAG-TEAM MATCH.
Just look at this shit:
Amy "Lita" Dumas (a personal friend TBQH) and Trish Stratus
Vs.
Torrie Wilson and Stacy Keibler
The idiotic thing about this particular matchup is that Stacy Keibler and Torrie Wilson vs. Trish Stratus and Amy Dumas is two non-wrestlers (Wilson and Keibler) versus a borderline wrestler (in that Trish Stratus can probably beat you up) and an actual, trained wrestler. Amy has three disabling moves: the Moonsault, the Twist of Fate neckbreaker, and a double special known as Poetry in Motion (another way to indicated that someone is a homosexual).
The problem here though is that Jeff Hardy is incredibly hot and I need for him to do me. I don't care if he's as gay as Ricky Martin, he'll probably take up singing emo (the terrible kind) songs about leaving one's heart in Ohio to cut your wrists and close your eyes so you can go to sleep tonight (because the low blood pressure would wake one up if not killed probably).
This fairweather (haha lolol 'Fairweather' is actually my name, hehe) friendship I have with all my associates is what I consider to use as drug buddies - selling them drugs (often rare) and sell them paraphernalia and when "needed," I repeatedly do this in order to gain more money by selling drugs. Currently I am a Flower Girl and a Computer Technician. If I don't have marijuana or heroin, the weather is not considered fair because these are important factors. I won't spoil the movie Twelve Angry Men which is kind of similar, yet it is a human being on trial for stabbing another guy with a switchblade. After observing the wound, I came to the conclusion that it was not experiencing hemorrhaging and seizures and a mild myocardial infarction that put me in the hospital for a week. It didn't work because my godawful parents made myself into a quarter!
I spent several months locked up in jail once. I CAN TELL YOU THAT EVEN ONE MONTH IS HELL. I no longer speak with my stepmother anymore; I bought an apartment of my own. I don't really care if I'm diagnosed with yet another thing. The DID and PTSD are enough.
In this, I win. Every time.
-@llison
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Allison Gets Laid, You Fat Virgins Envy Her
Today I attempted a godforsaken experiment. I drove my car (don't think my car is in good shape - it's an early 90s Mercedes-Benz. I wish it was Hitler's car.
Anyway, after I finished torturing babies and there were only a few left (these the NSDAP killed because I was to tired to commit holocausts). Then I went to the Germans' mess hall and acknowledged the fact that I am in fact a Polish Jew.
So since I speak German I convinced them to play cards with me out of boredom. The cards eventually froze and crumpled in the Polish winter, so I applied to be a member of the sonderkommandos, in charge of herding the prisoners to the gas chambers (and given a stick or whip - what idiots the Germans were, although everyone was drunk all the time anyway). The reason why Zyklon-B was used to kill the prisoners. Alcoholism was rampant among the German guards because murdering people daily I suppose can take a hit on the soul.
God, I wish I was in the Holocaust myself - much of my information comes from old Germans in jail and overconfident American soldiers and a small group of girls in one of France's Joy Divisions based in Egypt, getting slaughtered by the British Expeditionary Force.
The war was won by Britain before it was over. Churchill's fanaticism would have gone from destroying the French fleet, invading Norway, and bombing the German city of Dresden out of existence.
The truth is that most leaders in the Second World War did want to help their people - both Hitler of Germany and Tojo of Japan wanted what is called today lebensraum in German - living space/living room. The point is that Germany wanted to gain large amounts of land while Germany's ridiculous alliances in the First World War bickered. Just look at France right now - it's still a member of NATO, which is evidenced by 1) French PC attitudes - 2) Racism, 3) More Racism, 4) Culture - if you are to be a president or diplomat you must understand the other guy's culture. Barack Hussein Obama, I don't think he's a godawful HUMAN BEING in fact he's probably really cool in real life (he visited south Alabama laughing at a young boy spinning on a ball - great idea on how to help).
Unfortunately, because I live in a country that IS NOT AS FREE AS THE UNITED ARAB EMIRATES, and it seems that the United States (it's not hard to spot a police hooker) is mostly to blame for the worthless "drug war" - this is the equivalent to buying cocaine for $50 an ounce in Bogota, Colombia. If I do not commit suicide, I will update you on Ashleen's status eventually. Probably when she dies (I get $21,000, an old car, and custody of my young sister Valerie). Valerie is like 12 or something; I doubt she would understand "death."
I MEAN WHEN YOU ARE GOING WITH YOUR FATHER THE COLONEL SEVERAL TIMES A WEEK AND SELLING MOONSHINE, WINE, AND HASHISH FOR SHITLOADS and that's not even why I'm rich. Rich. What does this mean? My family is in the top 5% of people who get good pay. Why do I complain about this? Well, my Father gets paid over $250,000 a year drill/language training for hours on end. These prisoners are being fashioned to become militarily useful. AIDS patients are the first line of defence. Yes, 10-year-old kids with brain cancer and WILL NOT LIVE often and if I were the doctor I would inform the father (or the guy himself, if he was awake by then) that two out of their three children have died from throat-slashing and order for the man to have a plane ticket to see his injured daughter, slit from ear to ear and losing blood fast.
Unfortunately, as a fellow Girl and depressed person, I can completely understand the actions of Debra, the mother. What probably happened was that Debra slashed two people's throats, following this by doing a half-assed killing of her final daughter, who ended up surviving. The OBVIOUS thing we've got going here is that this case is actually a suicide - an intentional suicide. This happens to mothers that I've seen before; they are so depressed, they are in total despair and have no one to turn to...Debra should have gotten a therapist (I have one and he is very helpful what with the pills and the dissociation identity disorder and PTSD).
So in my drugs class I'm starting to realise a few patterns. Mr. E- told us to be careful about what to say as there are some law enforcement bastards in the class. I've already identified two - when you're a drug dealer you can separate the ice cream from the Chocolate Sundae Feces. Sadly, the main thing I'm looking for is being a starfucker but the problem is that this godforsaken place is never gonna have anyone worthy of starfucking unless the next WWF PPV has a main event between Barack Obama and Dwayne Johnson where The Rock is paid to lose 'cause such is rasslin' and the U.S. President also becomes the WWF World Heavyweight Championship. Among the other greats like Steve Austin, Shawn Michaels, Bret Hart, Mark Calloway, Mick Foley, Kane, and Vince McMahon (I am not mentioning anything after 2001 - they fucked up the Invasion storyline so much that not only are there no real feuds leading to Survivor Series 2001 - only the Undertaker versus Austin and Angle beat up his brother - a little-known fact is that the Undertaker was paid to lose a match against Steve Austin, the two Greats, the SmackDown! before, but Mark Calloway being WHO HE IS (MR. WrestleMania Wins 30-1) and knowing that Vince would NEVER FIRE HIM BECAUSE LAST I CHECKED, WHICH WAS '97, Calloway and Bret Hart beat the shit out of the obvious steroid user and Shawn Michaels was almost killed as a result of winning a match against Hart (a 'shoot' - where it's 100% real and kind of rare, but occurs as a result of conspiracy and Vince McMahon's fear that Bret Hart, WWF World Heavyweight Champion would take the belt to WCW - the REAL "FAKE" One - LOOK AT HOW OFTEN THE WORLD TITLE WAS TRADED! When a major title belt is held by a different person EVERY WEEK the thing LOSES ITS VALUE.
After all, look at the WWF wrestlers today - half I've never heard of, half I've never seen do anything interesting, and all of which cause my to say...who? Yet violence is violence so blood is blood. I should go to Britain, join MI6, and shoot whoever I wish with my LICENSE 2 KILL!
Obama, you're safe though. You're an embarrassment to the country but at least you're not Joe "Nikita No, Really, the CIA DID shoot the bastard Kennedy, not me!" Khrushchev-Biden" or even worse - Nancy Pelosi, whose mind is in the clouds and her hand down Medvedev's pants.
"Stop giving me a handjob," Medvedev said, prior to climaxing.
-Thank the Primordial Enchantress that this has not actually happened...yet.
Also, ha-ha, you Virgins - keep playing DnD 'cause it's too complicated for me and my anatomy is too complicated for you. "Ovulate" is not a magick spell, you fat fucks.
-@llison
Anyway, after I finished torturing babies and there were only a few left (these the NSDAP killed because I was to tired to commit holocausts). Then I went to the Germans' mess hall and acknowledged the fact that I am in fact a Polish Jew.
So since I speak German I convinced them to play cards with me out of boredom. The cards eventually froze and crumpled in the Polish winter, so I applied to be a member of the sonderkommandos, in charge of herding the prisoners to the gas chambers (and given a stick or whip - what idiots the Germans were, although everyone was drunk all the time anyway). The reason why Zyklon-B was used to kill the prisoners. Alcoholism was rampant among the German guards because murdering people daily I suppose can take a hit on the soul.
God, I wish I was in the Holocaust myself - much of my information comes from old Germans in jail and overconfident American soldiers and a small group of girls in one of France's Joy Divisions based in Egypt, getting slaughtered by the British Expeditionary Force.
The war was won by Britain before it was over. Churchill's fanaticism would have gone from destroying the French fleet, invading Norway, and bombing the German city of Dresden out of existence.
The truth is that most leaders in the Second World War did want to help their people - both Hitler of Germany and Tojo of Japan wanted what is called today lebensraum in German - living space/living room. The point is that Germany wanted to gain large amounts of land while Germany's ridiculous alliances in the First World War bickered. Just look at France right now - it's still a member of NATO, which is evidenced by 1) French PC attitudes - 2) Racism, 3) More Racism, 4) Culture - if you are to be a president or diplomat you must understand the other guy's culture. Barack Hussein Obama, I don't think he's a godawful HUMAN BEING in fact he's probably really cool in real life (he visited south Alabama laughing at a young boy spinning on a ball - great idea on how to help).
Unfortunately, because I live in a country that IS NOT AS FREE AS THE UNITED ARAB EMIRATES, and it seems that the United States (it's not hard to spot a police hooker) is mostly to blame for the worthless "drug war" - this is the equivalent to buying cocaine for $50 an ounce in Bogota, Colombia. If I do not commit suicide, I will update you on Ashleen's status eventually. Probably when she dies (I get $21,000, an old car, and custody of my young sister Valerie). Valerie is like 12 or something; I doubt she would understand "death."
I MEAN WHEN YOU ARE GOING WITH YOUR FATHER THE COLONEL SEVERAL TIMES A WEEK AND SELLING MOONSHINE, WINE, AND HASHISH FOR SHITLOADS and that's not even why I'm rich. Rich. What does this mean? My family is in the top 5% of people who get good pay. Why do I complain about this? Well, my Father gets paid over $250,000 a year drill/language training for hours on end. These prisoners are being fashioned to become militarily useful. AIDS patients are the first line of defence. Yes, 10-year-old kids with brain cancer and WILL NOT LIVE often and if I were the doctor I would inform the father (or the guy himself, if he was awake by then) that two out of their three children have died from throat-slashing and order for the man to have a plane ticket to see his injured daughter, slit from ear to ear and losing blood fast.
Unfortunately, as a fellow Girl and depressed person, I can completely understand the actions of Debra, the mother. What probably happened was that Debra slashed two people's throats, following this by doing a half-assed killing of her final daughter, who ended up surviving. The OBVIOUS thing we've got going here is that this case is actually a suicide - an intentional suicide. This happens to mothers that I've seen before; they are so depressed, they are in total despair and have no one to turn to...Debra should have gotten a therapist (I have one and he is very helpful what with the pills and the dissociation identity disorder and PTSD).
So in my drugs class I'm starting to realise a few patterns. Mr. E- told us to be careful about what to say as there are some law enforcement bastards in the class. I've already identified two - when you're a drug dealer you can separate the ice cream from the Chocolate Sundae Feces. Sadly, the main thing I'm looking for is being a starfucker but the problem is that this godforsaken place is never gonna have anyone worthy of starfucking unless the next WWF PPV has a main event between Barack Obama and Dwayne Johnson where The Rock is paid to lose 'cause such is rasslin' and the U.S. President also becomes the WWF World Heavyweight Championship. Among the other greats like Steve Austin, Shawn Michaels, Bret Hart, Mark Calloway, Mick Foley, Kane, and Vince McMahon (I am not mentioning anything after 2001 - they fucked up the Invasion storyline so much that not only are there no real feuds leading to Survivor Series 2001 - only the Undertaker versus Austin and Angle beat up his brother - a little-known fact is that the Undertaker was paid to lose a match against Steve Austin, the two Greats, the SmackDown! before, but Mark Calloway being WHO HE IS (MR. WrestleMania Wins 30-1) and knowing that Vince would NEVER FIRE HIM BECAUSE LAST I CHECKED, WHICH WAS '97, Calloway and Bret Hart beat the shit out of the obvious steroid user and Shawn Michaels was almost killed as a result of winning a match against Hart (a 'shoot' - where it's 100% real and kind of rare, but occurs as a result of conspiracy and Vince McMahon's fear that Bret Hart, WWF World Heavyweight Champion would take the belt to WCW - the REAL "FAKE" One - LOOK AT HOW OFTEN THE WORLD TITLE WAS TRADED! When a major title belt is held by a different person EVERY WEEK the thing LOSES ITS VALUE.
After all, look at the WWF wrestlers today - half I've never heard of, half I've never seen do anything interesting, and all of which cause my to say...who? Yet violence is violence so blood is blood. I should go to Britain, join MI6, and shoot whoever I wish with my LICENSE 2 KILL!
Obama, you're safe though. You're an embarrassment to the country but at least you're not Joe "Nikita No, Really, the CIA DID shoot the bastard Kennedy, not me!" Khrushchev-Biden" or even worse - Nancy Pelosi, whose mind is in the clouds and her hand down Medvedev's pants.
"Stop giving me a handjob," Medvedev said, prior to climaxing.
-Thank the Primordial Enchantress that this has not actually happened...yet.
Also, ha-ha, you Virgins - keep playing DnD 'cause it's too complicated for me and my anatomy is too complicated for you. "Ovulate" is not a magick spell, you fat fucks.
-@llison
What Would Happen if a Man Came to My House Telling Me that He is Required by Law to Report Himself to Me as a Rapist
Well, due to the fact that I have multiple firearms and a red belt in Tae Kwon Do; had I any metal or digital attributes I would consider myself to be the Ultimate Killing Machine, and shall get back to training. I've put less than 20 people in the hospital, most of them with broken necks, spinal damage, and tracheal destruction. When the "people" I destroyed came back, they were suspended. Haha. I am so disappointed that all individuals survived. I at least had the aim to kill their boss (he didn't die, unfortunately, but he was immediately put out of the fight).
This is one of the fights that I remember punch-for-punch because my brother and I against 20 people is a near-death experience. I'll tell you what, killing a man with your bare hands is much more dramatic than just using a gun or a knife (not that I'd hesitate to use either if I walk into my house and encounter a thief trying to steal something - in that case I'd just call the police, demand to speak to an Aryan, and tell him why I killed this thief - why does someone who steals someone else's stuff deserve to live? I'm a drug addict but I don't rob my friends, family, or anyone to pay for my habit. Instead, I take methamphetamine every morning before school and some more later on. I'm considering switching from hydromorphone to another narcotic that gives me less nausea, but if I complain they'll probably give me something ridiculous like methadone in combination with Ativan (lorazepam).
This is the thing. Why in the hell does my friend need Desoxyn and Dilaudid, for the better since everyone likes yellow submarines? How 'bout this: cocaine submarines seem to wash up on Florida's beaches. The individual needing the pain pills and the stimulant pills is in constant pain (due to an operation) and discomfort, taking so much hydrocodone even produces severe nauseau (for about three days - marijuana is physically addictive, but not as much as morphine).
But anyway. Back in Columbus, Ohio, well, if you want the best marijuana and crack cocaine and ecstasy. People would literally pay $50 per pill of "Pure Adam." (made by a greedy bastard who was a better chemist than I) Using one's own children for trafficking reasons, well this is is for another story.
@llison
This is one of the fights that I remember punch-for-punch because my brother and I against 20 people is a near-death experience. I'll tell you what, killing a man with your bare hands is much more dramatic than just using a gun or a knife (not that I'd hesitate to use either if I walk into my house and encounter a thief trying to steal something - in that case I'd just call the police, demand to speak to an Aryan, and tell him why I killed this thief - why does someone who steals someone else's stuff deserve to live? I'm a drug addict but I don't rob my friends, family, or anyone to pay for my habit. Instead, I take methamphetamine every morning before school and some more later on. I'm considering switching from hydromorphone to another narcotic that gives me less nausea, but if I complain they'll probably give me something ridiculous like methadone in combination with Ativan (lorazepam).
This is the thing. Why in the hell does my friend need Desoxyn and Dilaudid, for the better since everyone likes yellow submarines? How 'bout this: cocaine submarines seem to wash up on Florida's beaches. The individual needing the pain pills and the stimulant pills is in constant pain (due to an operation) and discomfort, taking so much hydrocodone even produces severe nauseau (for about three days - marijuana is physically addictive, but not as much as morphine).
But anyway. Back in Columbus, Ohio, well, if you want the best marijuana and crack cocaine and ecstasy. People would literally pay $50 per pill of "Pure Adam." (made by a greedy bastard who was a better chemist than I) Using one's own children for trafficking reasons, well this is is for another story.
@llison
I am NOT A WOMAN. I AM A GIRL.
Because you see, though I'm 23 years old, with a very high GPA in college. I use meth, alcohol, marijuana, tobacco, alprazolam, diazepam, and hydromorphone. I have a 3.5.
The exact truth is that it is actually better for someone to chronically (pun not intended) smoke marijuana than if he were not to. I first will tell you of the bad things about marijuana - if you're an addict you might have a chance of getting asthma, another likely chance of bronchitis and emphysema (I am developing this).
The truth is that more people should smoke marijuana because of the fact that it prevents cancer of all forms and also is very effective in curing brain cancer by killing the cancerous cells while sparing the non-malignant ones. This is one of the things that most people don't know. After all, if your grandmother were in terrible pain so that she has to take oxymorphone (50mg of this will almost always induce emesis and/or severe respiratory depression in a non-addict) would you rather have her TAKE DRUGS than to have her in constant pain.
What you morons do not understand is geriatrics, pain, and mindset. My grandfather two weeks ago died due to a complication involving a combination of renal failure and respiratory failure. In other words, Grandfather Peter died because his kidneys failed and he also stopped breathing. For several months now, I have been paranoid about dying (I have increased the amount of alprazolam, diazepam, oxycodone, and oxymorphone that I take, since I am included in Grandfather Peter's will and apparently due to receive some money, about $300,000.
Am I happy about this? No! On the black market, according to some of my dangerous friends, kidneys cost upwards of $50,000 a piece when sold (it is illegal to sell your own organs). I offered the 91-year-old man my own kidney (both of which are probably not that much better but I wanted to do a good deed and sell this man one of my kidneys - I figured that it could extend his life a few more years in exchange for my own years caused by addiction to alcohol, Valium, Xanax, Dilaudid, Desoxyn, Ultra-Strength Concerta, 3 other sedatives in relation to blood pressure, and SEROQUEL. 400mg of Seroquel mixed with alcohol is my best recommendation on how to commit suicide. Seroquel (Quetiapine) is the new Qualude (methaqualone).
Seriously, I wonder why quetiapine is NOT a Schedule II substance. I take four pills of Seroquel 400s and then consume a fifth of vodka. Now, does this make me into a drug addict? Well, you've got to be stupid if you took all those drugs and denied addiction. I personally consider myself to be a drug addict and an alcoholic, but I can control myself. When I was on probation I had to not drink alcohol for three months, I just told my doctor what had happened and immediate Serax. Plus the alprazolam I was taking already.
So I did not drink for almost four months to make my probation officer oblivious of the fact that I was planning to resume my alcoholism as soon as the probation was over. Give criminals marijuana to smoke in jail. You Correctional Officers would thank me. Just look at Oz...half the people in jail are there because of drugs.
-@llison
PS. I have recently rediscovered my love of professional wrestling (you know, the one where they beat the shit out of each other but the winner is almost always predetermined). I miss XPW and ECW and the "Steve Austin Kills Everyone" Era. What now these days? I DON'T KNOW WHO IS WHO!!!
PPS. Steve Austin's movie is really good - like Series 7 The Contenders, with everyone being a professional ass-kicker. Also if you like violence of that sort I will recommend Escape From Sobibor, The Grey Zone, Battle Royale I and II, Ichi the Killer, Machine Girl, and an extra reading of Sophie's Choice. Many people die in these films and book.
Yet again,
-@llison Jessicka Fairweather
The exact truth is that it is actually better for someone to chronically (pun not intended) smoke marijuana than if he were not to. I first will tell you of the bad things about marijuana - if you're an addict you might have a chance of getting asthma, another likely chance of bronchitis and emphysema (I am developing this).
The truth is that more people should smoke marijuana because of the fact that it prevents cancer of all forms and also is very effective in curing brain cancer by killing the cancerous cells while sparing the non-malignant ones. This is one of the things that most people don't know. After all, if your grandmother were in terrible pain so that she has to take oxymorphone (50mg of this will almost always induce emesis and/or severe respiratory depression in a non-addict) would you rather have her TAKE DRUGS than to have her in constant pain.
What you morons do not understand is geriatrics, pain, and mindset. My grandfather two weeks ago died due to a complication involving a combination of renal failure and respiratory failure. In other words, Grandfather Peter died because his kidneys failed and he also stopped breathing. For several months now, I have been paranoid about dying (I have increased the amount of alprazolam, diazepam, oxycodone, and oxymorphone that I take, since I am included in Grandfather Peter's will and apparently due to receive some money, about $300,000.
Am I happy about this? No! On the black market, according to some of my dangerous friends, kidneys cost upwards of $50,000 a piece when sold (it is illegal to sell your own organs). I offered the 91-year-old man my own kidney (both of which are probably not that much better but I wanted to do a good deed and sell this man one of my kidneys - I figured that it could extend his life a few more years in exchange for my own years caused by addiction to alcohol, Valium, Xanax, Dilaudid, Desoxyn, Ultra-Strength Concerta, 3 other sedatives in relation to blood pressure, and SEROQUEL. 400mg of Seroquel mixed with alcohol is my best recommendation on how to commit suicide. Seroquel (Quetiapine) is the new Qualude (methaqualone).
Seriously, I wonder why quetiapine is NOT a Schedule II substance. I take four pills of Seroquel 400s and then consume a fifth of vodka. Now, does this make me into a drug addict? Well, you've got to be stupid if you took all those drugs and denied addiction. I personally consider myself to be a drug addict and an alcoholic, but I can control myself. When I was on probation I had to not drink alcohol for three months, I just told my doctor what had happened and immediate Serax. Plus the alprazolam I was taking already.
So I did not drink for almost four months to make my probation officer oblivious of the fact that I was planning to resume my alcoholism as soon as the probation was over. Give criminals marijuana to smoke in jail. You Correctional Officers would thank me. Just look at Oz...half the people in jail are there because of drugs.
-@llison
PS. I have recently rediscovered my love of professional wrestling (you know, the one where they beat the shit out of each other but the winner is almost always predetermined). I miss XPW and ECW and the "Steve Austin Kills Everyone" Era. What now these days? I DON'T KNOW WHO IS WHO!!!
PPS. Steve Austin's movie is really good - like Series 7 The Contenders, with everyone being a professional ass-kicker. Also if you like violence of that sort I will recommend Escape From Sobibor, The Grey Zone, Battle Royale I and II, Ichi the Killer, Machine Girl, and an extra reading of Sophie's Choice. Many people die in these films and book.
Yet again,
-@llison Jessicka Fairweather
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