There Was an Old News Man Who Swallowed a Fly, People Give a Shit, I Ask Why

This post just might as well be called "Something Stupid and Unimportant Happens, For Some Terrible Reason People Give More Shits About it Than a Promiscuous Prostitute With 19 Kids and Counting, and You Know Fucking Stupid They Always are, they Kind of make you want to kill Kate Gosselin and the idiotically-named Octomom. I mean, Seriously, that sounds like kind of superhero or Pokemon or Dr. Octopus from Spiderman Comics' Wife, Eh?"

However, it's not called that because after the first couple of lines I realized that it would probably be too long and diarrhea-inducing for the average viewer. Also, this:

"Why is this crap even considered to be news? Are the editors high?"

I don't know if you guys know who Mark Potter is, so I'll for once be a good Christian girl and fill you in on this. He's just a random news reporter on NBC, with one small difference - he swallowed a fly that was buzzing around his head and generally pissing him off while he was trying to talk about that hilarious deadly oil spill. Not only that, but for some reason, probably involing beer, the borderline-retarded network executives at MSNBC considered this newsworthy.

I mean, it's like "What the hell?" from multiple perspectives. For instance, why in the New Jersey is the consumption of an annoying insect a thing I should give even HALF a shit about? See, this asshole does what every old lady in the world has done as per the gruesome nursery rhyme and becomes newsworthy. Do you think if I swallowed an annoying fucking fly, every single news agency including the parody one with Stephen Colbert, is going to make their Today's Headlines something idiotic like "Allison J. Fairweather, Devoted Sister and Beloved Cunt?"

Come to think of it that would be hilarious. Even in death I am still funnier than Seth MacFarlane could ever hope to be while alive. But then again so is the Holocaust. No, that statement was not antisemitic at all; rather, I'm saying that Seth MacFarlane (and I wonder to what extent his sister/girlfriend Rachael is involved? She probably is in charge of doing all the scenes that are actually funny in the city garbage dump which is the collective name of Family Guy, American Dad, and the literal abortion of a terrible show based on half-assed ideas with every single character being unlikeable, including the fucking main character, what with the fact that his voice makes me envy the hearing-impaired. His son also causes me to feel this way as well when he opens his godawful fucking mouth (literally, guys, if you haven't heard how the faggot sounds, don't try to find out because it's just TOO FUCKING EMBARASSING TO THE GOD DAMN HUMAN RACE it'll be hard for you to not kill yourself out of shame not only because you are in the same species group, but also that YOU ALSO SHARE REALITY WITH THIS FAT SACK OF SHIT THAT MIGHT AS WELL JUST BE KILLED OFF FROM THE SHOW AND SHOULD BE REPLACED BY SOMETHING FUNNY, LIKE A NAZI RACIST WHO FOR REASONS UNKNOWN RESIDES WITH THE BLACK PEOPLE AND THIS CAN BE THE BUTT OF MANY JOKES.

Although it might sound very insane (which I must admit to being, so the DID must explain it), hating Seth MacFarlane and his "works" (pieces) of "art" (shit) is more than just an insane crazy cult. It's a way of life. I've watched every single episode of Family Guy, so don't you even try to TELL me what HORRIFYING, AGONIZING PAIN THAT MAKES YOU WISH YOU WERE DEAD. I've lived it. It was a social experiment in I suppose how much stupidity a girl of my age and weight can tolerate. Turns out it's a lot for me; stupid people are the easiest kind to make fun of but if an individual looks enough like the kind of guy who's such a douchebag that he should be kicking HIS OWN ass, it's so easy, so simple, there are literally DOZENS OF ASPECTS OF SAID INDIVIDUAL (IF YOU COULD EVEN CALL THEM SUCH) THAT YOU CAN USE TO MAKE HIM FEEL BAD AND THEREBY RAISE YOUR SELF-ESTEEM.

Fat people alone aren't funny enough shall be my final point, mostly because I'm high on ADD meds and hydrocodone and it's all painful and shit no matter what (READ: I AM A LAZY LITTLE LASS but seriously getting rid of that annoying cancer, since it happened te area is actually more painful as a result of lidocaine-induced swelling. This is why you only shoot up cocaine hydrochloride for recreational purposes intravenously, not into the skin directly. The thing swells up and gets really painful and if the unfortunate condemned thing happens to be your penis be you a boy or your clitoris be you a girl...give it a proper burial, you sick fucks. But as I was saying, fat fuck alone are not as funny as before, but if they're stupid, petty, lack the ability to see their small penis due to the fat (he hasn't seen it in years), it's fucking Golden as a goose I'd rather sell for a pretty penny in Tel Aviv than keep it since the thing would be cursed and I would have "forgotten" to tell the unfortunate mark about said curse.) <---possibly the longest thing in parentheses since Joseph Conrad destroyed any credibility the literary community would have had with that godawful piece of shit that some morons consider to be a HALFWAY-DECENT STORY when the truth is that reading Heart of Darkness is a good motivator for depressed people to finally hang themselves or jump out of the window or if they're stupid, overdose themselves on aspirin and die in horrible agony over the course of two weeks which for the doctors would be hilarious because it's such a pathetic and stupid and painful way to go and anyone who tries it is a fucking idiot. If you or a loved one wishes to commit suicide, just contact me. I have the Suicide Holiday Methods Manual memorized like the 100 Arabic names of God.

-@llison