Obama Offends Faggots, Military Homos are Petty.

...And Barack Obama talked about he wanted the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" to be repealed. WHAT THE FUCK? I may not be a general but as a military brat I know why that rule exists. This also is the reason females are not allowed in combat in the United States Army. I'm a military chick who fires rifles and PDWs on a regular basis at the range and freelancing military history geek so obviously I have a pro-Army prejudice. If I found one of my fellow officers (since I'm not an idiot, I would go to West Point or some other military academy first) attractive and we fell in love, THIS IS WHY IT'S A PROBLEM.

You have a rifle equipped with a rocket-propelled grenade launcher. Your girlfriend (or if you're a faggot, boyfriend, since there is nothing wrong with faggotry since "deviance" is not actually offensive, although it is loaded and I don't really GIVE A SHIT SINCE I AM NOT INVOLVED. So anyway, an individual sees his girlfriend/boyfriend in trouble and also sees the rest of the person's regiment in a terrible situation. If my boyfriend (I have none currently since apparently intelligence is intimidating to Boys) and I were in the same unit as him, I'd choose to help him before helping the rest of the squad.

It is not sexist, it mostly has to do with romantic relationships. You think Marines only feel camaraderie with only boys? Insert some girls in the squad and we will fuck you up because all the Marines that I know are younger than I. Little kids. So I buy them beer if needed. The hard shit if bribed or have relations with them.

-@llison

So it's come to this.

A guy tried to buy some drugs from me today, but he didn't have enough money so a transaction was never made. At $60 for an ounce of home-grown marijuana, people still cannot afford it. I have to fuel my own habit as well which is taken into consideration due to the seemingly random amount of male versus female plants. I prefer the female plants because I am a Girl and automatically have an inclination to promote the gender. Also the males are more or less worthless and do not provide the same effects as good quality buds from the female plant. I intend to discuss this with my psychiatrist (every single film star seems to be in therapy just like me). PTSD is the latest thing that has been approved to be treated by cannabis.

I have dissociative identity disorder and PTSD and other things that render my sanity to be questionable. Though I smoke marijuana every single day, chronically (no pun intended) it is particularly for nausea relief, especially because I'm also taking a large amount of hydrocodone for lower back pain. Does it make my a worse student? No, as I maintain a 3.5 GPA currently and I give thanks to all that is considered "speed."

This is mostly because I have a strange sleep disorder that causes me to sleep way too much unless I take badass stimulants. Amphetamines make me more efficient and willing to work. Even despite the terrible pain. More people should start using those stimulants that the lying government and its puppet President. DRUGS ARE GOOD. SAY YES (unless you're the kind of idiot who is liable to smoke something ridiculous like Salvia divinorum while driving your car).

Now I will promote myself and my decency: Despite the Atheism, I totally completely support Catholicism and its aspects. The asshole money-craving pieces of human feces on fire who call themselves the Democratic Party and call the racist Albuquerque Police Department (they are prejudiced against Nordic Aryans, it's ridiculous) over a stupid noise complaint all the time (14 last year) because these pieces of shit (Mexicans are inferiors keep this in mind, but still most cops are fucking assholes) arrest me many times. This is an example of stupidity by the cops in this godforsaken terrible fucking city. In the field of Urban Planning, anyone sane and some who are not would recognize that Albuquerque is spread out so terribly (all the hospitals in the same place - what the fuck?) and would feel the need to talk about it.

Oh, God do I hate Mexicans. Do any of you know of a swift way to eliminate them?

-@llison

Very Crazy

A new song by the lead singer (me) of my dealer's band "Annie and the Holocausts." It is called They Do Not Know (That My Name is Not Jackie). It shall be on our first album "Sane Inside Insanity." Coming out soon (no seriously me and him and his sister are really working on this garage band of an Antifolk nature). I still need another guitarist and a drummer so if you're unfortunate enough to live in New Mexico, acknowledge yourself to me. I'll probably hire you no matter how godawful you are.

"They Do Not Know (That My Name is Not Jackie)"
Annie and the Holocausts
Sane inside Insanity
Allison Jessicka Fairweather

I am a very crazy Girl
Give me a pearl
Just one, not an entire necklace
Because this insinuates semen

Semen belongs more in the mouths of girls
Girls especially the sort with hairs all curled
People are all like "She's so whacky"
People tell me "Way to go Jackie"

What this does is piss me off
Jackie Gold just coughs and coughs
And as my tray slides on the trough
Fuck you all I'm turning Goth

Brace yourselfs, for I am Lord
Give to me I say a cord
If I want to leave the hoard
To leave the hoard you must have a cord
And if the hoard has got no cords I'll have to use a sword

Plunge, turn, pull out
Morphine gives me pain without
This form of self-disemblowelment
Feels like a kind of empowerment
And as my consciousness fades
From the sudden loss of blood
I faint upon a stone that's in a sea of mud

When I am found, all bloated and round, a rattle is the only sound and please feed me to a hound
Heaven is not where I'm bound.

My Teacher Committed Suicide

So yesterday I started the new semester at the college. I had my Flash class, my Drugs class, and got started on my fully-online Project Management class. I still have no idea what we're gonna do in Project Management, but unfortunately my brother is an idiot and ordered the book for it online with regular shipping. That means that I won't get my books for all six of my classes 'till next week.

So the thing is that when I signed up for this random medical class, I was informed that the professor was A.J. Fairweather. As you can see, this would be creepy to me because of he same initials. A couple of weeks ago the professor changed. I had no idea why. I was told yesterday by a drug addict from the class next door that A.J. Fairweather offed herself by closing her garage door, pass out in her car after turning on the engine, and die from carbon monoxide poisoning. There was no letter; it seemed as if it was a quick decision and not a fully planned out one.

And I have PTSD and Dissociation Identity Disorder (these are fancy words for insane). I wonder when I'll lose my marbles? And when I try to kill myself again, I would know what to do. If any of you guys want some cool suicide methods, just say the word.

I will also put a diagram of my invention.

-@llison

In which Allison Gets Fucked...Again! Also, Perverts!

The most ironic thing you'll read today is the fact that not only is my last name "Fairweather" but it turns out that ALL MY FRIENDS are fairweather friends who are only around when things are going good but don't give a shit about your problems and are never there for you.

The moral of this story is that you should never trust your friends because they will let you down like mine. Oh well, they'll feel sorry once they realize that their goddamn drug dealer is not answering her phone 'cause of this shit.

This is the same person who randomly the other day wandered into my house without calling first. It's like ALL MY FRIENDS ARE LARRY DAVID. Seriously, like what the fuck? It's like there I am fixing an idiotic computer just like every other IT nerd ever and all of the sudden LINDSAY FUCKING RANDOMLY WALKS INTO MY HOUSE WITH HER BOYFRIEND "because they were in the neighborhood." WHAT THE FUCK, THEY DID NOT EVEN CALL ME

Also waving boyfriends in my face makes me want to eat theirs and your flesh. Unless you live in the same state your whole life, you're fucked in college. Military brats tend to be alcoholic suicidal depressed sociopaths because of the communism the Government passes off to its citizens.

Oh by the way keep in mind that when you are so explicit about asking your friend for help and the response is the equivalent of Hank Hill stuck with an emotional person and putting his right hand behind his neck while rubbing it and saying "whell, uh, yep" before simply walking away so I'm bewildered and must think on a different level of reality than you guys.

I love her and her boyfriend but I cannot take it anymore. It's like they are only around when they want drugs from me. Pfft.

And to reduce the emo-ness of this terrible post, YET ANOTHER RAPIST has been found around here in New Mexico. Raping a six-year-old-girl? MY QUESTION IS how did it fit? I used to have a friend who was repeatedly sodomized by her alcoholic father (who doesn't?) but the thing didn't fit. I come to the conclusion that, much like South African infants, ENJOY being sodomized in every hole they have.

Ah, yes. Because black people who DO NOT LIVE IN A CIVILIZED COUNTRY are literally so stupid to think that fucking an infant (probably causing serious BLEEDING) will cure you of the AIDS. I don't even know why Canada even gives a shit. Africa is as lost a cause of a country as my most recent bowel movement. The funny thing here is that if he "accidentally" had raped someone by groping a female ass or IF HE KILLED LIKE 30 GUYS, he probably won't get a "Here Lives a Murderer" when he gets out like they do with rapists. Seriously, if a random rapist comes to my house to inform me that he is a pervert according to the illegitimate government I'd probably let him in and ask him what form of rape got him that stupid sign (of course I'd be armed, after all, every girl ever is terrified of rapists to the point of paranoia that Ronald McDonald statues are removed from the restaurant because he gives small boys erections since every man is a potential rapist). I'm a potential person who will snap your neck and feed on your brain, heart, and liver and deck the Christmas tree with intestines all around. ALL OTHER GIRLS MUST FEAR ME OR MAYBE GUYS I DON'T KNOW, I'M DRUNK AGAIN.

I also give small boys erections as well! Let's put every single girl in the UNITED FUCKING STATES in jail for causing virgins to lose sleep.

-@llison

Acne-Ridden Vision-Impaired Fat Pathetic Trekkie Involuntary Virgins: TEN TIMES STUPIDER THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT

So as usual I was lying on my bed since I'm lazy, regardless of the recently-removed cancer and associated pain, the other night and an episode of Star Trek: Next Generation came on particularly all about the Prime Directive and the reason this instigated the policy. I will analyze the aforementioned episode in two ways. The first would be a Virgin's take on it or at least what I can imagine them seeing it as, the other take proceeding that would be mine, the way people who do not make me want to kill myself just for being in their species think.

Fucking Asshole Who Should Be Ashamed of Himself
Hm beep beep beep nearing planet in doom! Whoops! Humans down there! [insert fanboy's wet dream involving the psychic with black hair] Hm, let's move the planet with the tractor been by like 0.3 degrees or something so that it is not destroyed by like a comet or something, I don't remember. It could have been the sun's rays or my own semen for all I care. OH NO! WE DONE GONE AND VIOLATE THE PRIME MOTHERFUCKING DIRECTIVE! THESE HUMANS WANT TO REINTEGRATE [this part of the storyline, which is what the episode is all about, completely will fly over your head if you are a Virgin] THE END.

Clever and Charismatic Nerd with IQ of 136
HeLLO, you stupid assholes! HOW MOTHERFUCKING LONG HAS IT BEEN? I mean you still don't get it. You guys are the Eternal Virgins who tell themselves that you're waiting for Seven-of-Nine, when come on, don't delude yourselves, you couldn't even attract a 200-pound hairy piece of something you'd hope is shit because the alternative is far more terrible and hilarious. At least bears have gay bars to go to. Also I think there is some kind of virgin-detection device at the door. I stood in a line in one once and I noticed the trend that they were only letting people who had a sense of dignity and shame in and there are all these virgins flying left and right, this is the sole reason I ever go to bars. I can get drunk at home but home doesn't have aerial virgins.

Anyway, the reason why the Eternal Virgins not only love the cock, but mistake it for a lightsaber - whoops, wrong space thing mentioned - is because some chemical that is killing off lame pieces of shit as I write this sentence resulting in widespread stupidity.

Star Trek has nothing to do with space. You pathetic fat "humans" who won't even get laid by a prostitute for a hundred bucks DON'T GET IT. It's all about the ethics involved, you half-way brain-dead embarrassing examples of even the fattest of fucks. THINK ABOUT IT! Unfortunately there is some university in Indiana that has a class called "Star Trek and Religion" and it made me go what the fuck until I decided that "Star Trek and Ethics" would be more credible as a course because every other episode someone's fucking shit up by violating the Prime Directive and when that's not happening PRACTICALLY ALMOST ALL THE TIME IN EVERY SINGLE EPISODE, SOMEONE MUST MAKE A DIFFICULT MORAL CHOICE. Maybe not as bastardly GODAWFUL like a LITERAL SOPHIE'S CHOICE, but it's always involving a moral dilemma and that's the point Gene Roddenberry was trying to make when he set out to go and make what no man had made before (as if you didn't see that coming?).

Unfortunately pathetic virgins probably like you who's reading this verbal emesis (sorry, vomit, couldn't think of another word to describe the SHIT that I'm talking about) because not only have most of these people not seen their penises in years, but also HAVE THE FUCKING TIME TO LEARN HOW TO SPEAK FLUENT KLINGON, VULCAN, OR ROMULAN? It's like, what the fuck? It's the equivalent of learning Latin, but ten times gayer because at least at some point in time LATIN EXISTED AND WAS CONSIDERED A LANGUAGE. How many history books [not written by arguments in favor of destroying all humanity just to get them (otherwise known as Virgins)] detail the godforsaken origin of the Klingon language?

-@llison

Bi-Weekly Warning That This Weblog is Carcinogenic

If you are reading this, not only are you the President of the United States, but I'm sorry. You have stumbled upon the most godawful piece of shit I could describe, though I choose not to out of the sake of my soul. This weblog is a perfect example of actual fecal matter for show-and-tell. It's terrible. It's worse than the Holocaust.

Don't read it. Trust it from me. I, Allison myself, won't even read it a second time. If you're a liberal in North America this will probably make you want to vomit almost as if you were a Lutheran reading this piece of shit. Seriously, just go away now. Unless you play DnD, just knowing of this website will make you a pathetic virgin whose masturbatory fantasies have the tendency usually involve slash-type shit that culminates in ejaculation, as well as Captain James T. Kirk throwing a flaming Stan Lee dressed in Spider-Man's outfit (while masturbating) and Stripperella's double-ententes (did I mention the fact that he was masturbating?) dipped into a PCP-like substance mistaken by Stan Lee to actually be PCP, until he was informed that he had consumed lethal amounts of the element krypton, which, while stoned on morphine later that day caused him to realize that HE was Superman (yes, there is an actual element that is called krypton that makes you sick if exposed its unstable, radioactive isotopes and probably kills you when too much of it is inhaled, because it's heavier than the air we breathe - kinda makes you wonder why Stan Lee didn't make Superman's Achilles' Heel the actual element that is called krypton, eh?).

...in retrospect after rereading that last bit of banter, I'm surprised to have gotten any dates at all in high school. I feel like kicking my OWN ass!

-@llison

BREAKING NEWS: LINDSAY LOHAN OFFICIALLY CONFIRMED AS MORON

As we speak alcoholic and reason for the "girls can't drive well" stereotype otherwise known as Lindsay Lohan is having a grand old time in France (you know, the country in Europe wherein an arrested individual is guilty until proven innocent, this is how upside-down they are) while California courts have a warrant issued out for her arrest because she violated probation in the exact same way I violated my own probation a while back by drinking alcohol every day. The difference here though is that I kept those morons fooled for almost a year strategically taking measures to prevent alcohol and the other shitload of drugs I take to show up on the thing. This is more proof of how stupid the legal system in New Mexico is. I am convinced that I was treated shittier than usual BECAUSE OF MY RACE!

All of the sudden now Mexican rapists under the guise of officers of the law are allowed to hit defenceless anorexic white girls who've been robbed and roughed up? What a country, eh? If this kind of crap is happening all over the place maybe next post I should post a diagram showing all the best places to hit an asshole for maximum incapacitation capacity, for instance, the balls, and a well-aimed kick literally in the ass so that the receptor loses his continence and shits his pants.

Anyway, back to Lindsay Lohan and her stupidity. So as I was saying while in France she was unable to show up for her probation hearing in the United States (the probation was for a 2007 DWI charge), probably because of that volcano in Iceland that inconvenienced everyone. In this particular scenario I would actually push for her not to be punished for missing the hearing because of the shitty situation in Europe.

Also, this example of mental retardation from the Omg section of Yahoo! News:

"[Lohan's] attorney Shawn Chapman Holley says that Lohan has a new temporary passport, and she hopes that she will be back in L.A. by Friday afternoon. However, Lohan is on the tip sheet for two parties Thursday night in France."

In other words, tomorrow she'll wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy (what the fuck does that mean? Hungover? Real alcoholics don't get hangovers!), probably forget her glasses and her clothes because they're kind of shitty. Then she'll leave for the airport with Jack Daniels in hand 'cause she knows that when she leaves she's got a permanent ban.

I would go into more details about Lindsay Lohan in a way that sounds like that stupid song, but I am not particularly interested in the life story of another girl's slutty underwear. The point I'm making is that maybe she'll be back by Friday, but the fact that this drunk driver with an arrest warrant out for her in California is leaving Cannes, France, to get canned, in LAX Airport. Seriously, though, how could she NOT expect to see cops waiting for her (probably waving a sign with her name on it, judging by the general stupidity displayed by tri-cocked cops)?

I say let her go free. I guarantee she'll somehow kill herself before the year is over. I mean, driving drunk on a road THE WRONG DIRECTION at night and having dozens of calls from people watching what a FUCKING IDIOT you are? Talk about rock bottom. Also, Social Darwinism, 'cause that's what's taking this girl who looks like a crack addict way before the law. JUST LOOK AT HER! She makes me regret being a HUMAN BEING! Everything about her is so godawful, it makes me ASHAMED TO CALL MYSELF A HOMO.

Also get a load of this shit:

"If bail is posted for the star, she will be forbidden from consuming any alcohol, must wear a "scram bracelet" (which measures alcohol in her system) and submit to random drug testing at least once a week."

What the hell is this? When I got arrested and put on subsequent probation I was also told not to drink alcohol or use drugs by the P.O. I didn't get this "scram bracelet" thing so I drank every single day while on probation. Oh wait - the differences is that she's arriving at LAX, the airport that serves most likely the majority of the racist ANTI-DEFECATION LEAGUE instead of the Albuquerque Sunport in New Mexico that lets whoever in whether your middle name is Hussein or if you're last name is bin Laden (and as a Saudi citizen I must say that the bin Ladens are highly respected as a family that built the most well-known construction company in Saudi Arabia, so Osama's kind of the black sheep, focusing on DEstruction of buildings, he got stripped of his citizenship in 1994 after his declaration of his master plan which involved destroying the >7,000-strong Saudi Royal Family in order to make the country MORE religious prior to his first attack on the World Trade Center).

Another stupid aspect of this Lindsay Lohan idiocy is the fact that COWARDLY EUROPEANS OR NOT, SHE STILL COULD HAVE CALLED HER P.O. I MEAN, EVEN I ALERTED MY PROBATION OFFICER PRIOR TO TRAVELING TO THE GODAWFUL ENTITY SOMETIMES REFERRED TO AS NEW ENGLAND AND SOMETIMES REFERRED TO AS GOD'S MISTAKE. How god damn difficult is this to do? Was she so drunk or hungover or what that she failed to make a motherfucking PHONE CALL that happened to be, hm, IMPORTANT?

Just imagine drunk cokehead and known prostitute Lindsay Lohan paying a random French guy to call her probation officer on her behalf as she fellates him.

-@llison

There Was an Old News Man Who Swallowed a Fly, People Give a Shit, I Ask Why

This post just might as well be called "Something Stupid and Unimportant Happens, For Some Terrible Reason People Give More Shits About it Than a Promiscuous Prostitute With 19 Kids and Counting, and You Know Fucking Stupid They Always are, they Kind of make you want to kill Kate Gosselin and the idiotically-named Octomom. I mean, Seriously, that sounds like kind of superhero or Pokemon or Dr. Octopus from Spiderman Comics' Wife, Eh?"

However, it's not called that because after the first couple of lines I realized that it would probably be too long and diarrhea-inducing for the average viewer. Also, this:

"Why is this crap even considered to be news? Are the editors high?"

I don't know if you guys know who Mark Potter is, so I'll for once be a good Christian girl and fill you in on this. He's just a random news reporter on NBC, with one small difference - he swallowed a fly that was buzzing around his head and generally pissing him off while he was trying to talk about that hilarious deadly oil spill. Not only that, but for some reason, probably involing beer, the borderline-retarded network executives at MSNBC considered this newsworthy.

I mean, it's like "What the hell?" from multiple perspectives. For instance, why in the New Jersey is the consumption of an annoying insect a thing I should give even HALF a shit about? See, this asshole does what every old lady in the world has done as per the gruesome nursery rhyme and becomes newsworthy. Do you think if I swallowed an annoying fucking fly, every single news agency including the parody one with Stephen Colbert, is going to make their Today's Headlines something idiotic like "Allison J. Fairweather, Devoted Sister and Beloved Cunt?"

Come to think of it that would be hilarious. Even in death I am still funnier than Seth MacFarlane could ever hope to be while alive. But then again so is the Holocaust. No, that statement was not antisemitic at all; rather, I'm saying that Seth MacFarlane (and I wonder to what extent his sister/girlfriend Rachael is involved? She probably is in charge of doing all the scenes that are actually funny in the city garbage dump which is the collective name of Family Guy, American Dad, and the literal abortion of a terrible show based on half-assed ideas with every single character being unlikeable, including the fucking main character, what with the fact that his voice makes me envy the hearing-impaired. His son also causes me to feel this way as well when he opens his godawful fucking mouth (literally, guys, if you haven't heard how the faggot sounds, don't try to find out because it's just TOO FUCKING EMBARASSING TO THE GOD DAMN HUMAN RACE it'll be hard for you to not kill yourself out of shame not only because you are in the same species group, but also that YOU ALSO SHARE REALITY WITH THIS FAT SACK OF SHIT THAT MIGHT AS WELL JUST BE KILLED OFF FROM THE SHOW AND SHOULD BE REPLACED BY SOMETHING FUNNY, LIKE A NAZI RACIST WHO FOR REASONS UNKNOWN RESIDES WITH THE BLACK PEOPLE AND THIS CAN BE THE BUTT OF MANY JOKES.

Although it might sound very insane (which I must admit to being, so the DID must explain it), hating Seth MacFarlane and his "works" (pieces) of "art" (shit) is more than just an insane crazy cult. It's a way of life. I've watched every single episode of Family Guy, so don't you even try to TELL me what HORRIFYING, AGONIZING PAIN THAT MAKES YOU WISH YOU WERE DEAD. I've lived it. It was a social experiment in I suppose how much stupidity a girl of my age and weight can tolerate. Turns out it's a lot for me; stupid people are the easiest kind to make fun of but if an individual looks enough like the kind of guy who's such a douchebag that he should be kicking HIS OWN ass, it's so easy, so simple, there are literally DOZENS OF ASPECTS OF SAID INDIVIDUAL (IF YOU COULD EVEN CALL THEM SUCH) THAT YOU CAN USE TO MAKE HIM FEEL BAD AND THEREBY RAISE YOUR SELF-ESTEEM.

Fat people alone aren't funny enough shall be my final point, mostly because I'm high on ADD meds and hydrocodone and it's all painful and shit no matter what (READ: I AM A LAZY LITTLE LASS but seriously getting rid of that annoying cancer, since it happened te area is actually more painful as a result of lidocaine-induced swelling. This is why you only shoot up cocaine hydrochloride for recreational purposes intravenously, not into the skin directly. The thing swells up and gets really painful and if the unfortunate condemned thing happens to be your penis be you a boy or your clitoris be you a girl...give it a proper burial, you sick fucks. But as I was saying, fat fuck alone are not as funny as before, but if they're stupid, petty, lack the ability to see their small penis due to the fat (he hasn't seen it in years), it's fucking Golden as a goose I'd rather sell for a pretty penny in Tel Aviv than keep it since the thing would be cursed and I would have "forgotten" to tell the unfortunate mark about said curse.) <---possibly the longest thing in parentheses since Joseph Conrad destroyed any credibility the literary community would have had with that godawful piece of shit that some morons consider to be a HALFWAY-DECENT STORY when the truth is that reading Heart of Darkness is a good motivator for depressed people to finally hang themselves or jump out of the window or if they're stupid, overdose themselves on aspirin and die in horrible agony over the course of two weeks which for the doctors would be hilarious because it's such a pathetic and stupid and painful way to go and anyone who tries it is a fucking idiot. If you or a loved one wishes to commit suicide, just contact me. I have the Suicide Holiday Methods Manual memorized like the 100 Arabic names of God.

-@llison

Black Granny Tries to Protect Young Girl and is Beaten Up by the Cops, No One Surprised; Michelle Obama Gets Asked Tough Question, Fails to Answer It

So the other day in Michigan some our Negro friends in the former United States murder capital (the title has since been moved to the actual capital of the country) got shot. Hm what else is new? Actually this is newsworthy event because this is the second time in about a month a big-time police brutality and trigger happiness issue I've read about. I already told you guys about the guy in New Mexico who was fatally shot in the back by a (probably a rookie) policeman of the Albuqueque Police Department, which is possibly full of more corruption and anti-White racism, you'd think the organization, if you can even call a piece of dried-up feces an organization. Seriously, 200 policemen? This is way more than are needed. This can be showcased by the fact that I got arrested 14 times in 2008 for god damn NOISE COMPLAINTS. Not surprisingly, every time the cops were overaggressive and violent assholes. They just love to kidnap white girls, I'll tell you what. See if I get fined the same amount if I were some kind of Mexican.

But back to Michigan. Police in Detroit today pissed off some more innocent people (what a surprise!). This time, a grandmother and a 7-year-old girl. The young girl Aiyana Jones and her grandmother Mertilla were both injured after the cops raided their house with the intention of looking for a guy that wasn't even there. And to make the situation look stupider, the police apparently did a sort of "shoot-first-ask-questions-later" thing by throwing a flash grenade just seconds after announcing their presence with a warrant. If I were Mertilla I would've been disoriented as well and done what she would've done: fight for her own safey and that of her granddaughter's.

Well, the Detroit Police fucked up again because they repeatedly subdued Mertilla with billy clubs and "accidentally" shot her grandchild. This is kind of like that New Mexico cop who shot a fleeing suspect in the back in order to stop him, and ended up getting suspended because what he did was stupid and also caused the suspect's death.

It's like, as young kids we watch movies and TV shows that portray policemen as "the good guys," solving murders and catching bank robbers. Unfortunately, real life isn't CSI and actual police officers just piss you off by giving you tickets and arresting you and generally being overall assholes. It is a big letdown because all your childhood you've wanted to be a cop and help society and then you realize that most of them are assholes and LEAP members are the best you can hope for.

On a more hilarious note, earlier today Michelle Obama visited some elementary school in Maryland and was asked a tough question. The conversation went something like this, maybe not verbatim because I didn't vote for the incompetent Token Black Guy.

Pretty Little Girl w/Curls in Hair: "My mother told me that Barack Obama is going to take people away if they don't have the right papers. Is this true?"

Michelle (I forgot her middle name so for manipulative reasons it is temporarily "Saddam Hitler Osama bin Satan") Obama: "Yes. It is important for us to know who has the right papers to know who to let into the country."

PLG w/CIH: "My mother doesn't have the right papers."

MSHOBSO: "Well, we'll have to work on fixing that situation." (politically correct speech after getting a little kid to turn their parents into the Law, just like those bastard cops who encourage school kids to report any drug use by their parents to the police department)

In other words, Michelle Obama now must use all means necessary to get the cute little 2nd-grader's mother deported back to some third-world shit garden like "the Democratic Republic of the Congo" or something. The whole name of the country I put in quotations because it's not really a country. Kind of like Haiti and Liberia and other embarrassments of a country with worthless currencies.

Also a strange congratulations to the abortion of a state called Arizona by adopting this new anti-Mexican policy. Also, I know who I'm voting for New Mexico governor this year. A Republican candidate with a strict anti-Mexican policy. Her name is something like Suzzanna "There are Two Mexicos, You Assholes Go Back to the Old One Because is is the NEW Mexico - the Kind Without the Mexicans" Hernandez. Hopefully somewhere the racist Supreme Court judge Sonia Sotomayor (saying that out loud sounds like you're talking about someone who sodomizes others - how fitting, seeing as how megarapist Barack Obama is the one who hired her) is crying right now. I wonder what racist tactics she'd use to save the sinking ship also known as the credibility of the Democratic Party (don't get me wrong, us Republicans aren't perfect either)? I've got my money on her making Spanish the country's official language and make it illegal for non-Spanish speakers to live here. It's a good thing I know Spanish. After all, this is New Mexico, probably like the second-worst state out of all the others, including Canadian provinces and overseas territories. I'll talk more about why New Mexico is shitty in almost every single respect next time.

-@llison

Muslims Make Idiots of Themselves Again, No One is Surprised

This is pretty much embarrassing for the entire human species. It's almost like the Muslims are our literally dirty secret, almost like Saddam Hussein, who considered Christians to be cleaner in general than Muslims.

The point I'm making here is that these people are really fucking stupid because this has already happened once before. Remember the Danish Mohammed cartoons? About thirty people were killed during the riots. This is goddamn ridiculous and pathetic. Every single one of those idiotic Muslims who died in the riots the issue caused deserved it. When you make this big of a stupid deal, you deserve to die. Kind of like how all these assholes who are accusing the Pope - THE FUCKING POPE! - of engaging in homosexual acts with choirboys deserve to actually get molested or raped or whatever because I mean, it's the FUCKING POPE.

I could write a billion pages worth of pro-religion crap, but I'm lazy. Even atheist Conservatives like me get involved in this shit. And just to make things clear, I do not mean actual excrement when talking about shit; rather I'm referring to the Token Black Guy who was awarded and accepted a Nobel Peace Prize despite the fact that he did absolutely nothing to deserve it. That kinda shows what a cocksucker he is.

I mean, this faggot with two years of domestic politics under his belt decides to capitalize on his negrocity and win a seat at a political office. The black bastard is totally full of himself.

1. He's not going to repeal prohibition because it would make him look bad in the eyes of the fucking retards who are in favor of it. EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO IS AGAINST THE LEGALIZATION OF DRUGS IS A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT AND A STUPID ONE AT THAT. I don't care if a random nigger quits smoking and supports Prohibition just to prove a shitty point I don't care about.

2. Barack Obama HAS A STUPID AGENDA THAT INVOLVES SHUTTING DOWN FUCKING NASA. Because Obama wants his fellow socialists, his butt-buddies in China (I don't mean the real China that is called Taiwan, I'm talking about the entity ruled over by a guy call Mao Tse-Tung. To me it sounds like "must eat dung," which is one of Obama's favorite habits.

3. He's black. This sounds racist, but you guys, tell me, DID HIS RACE IMPACT YOUR DECISION TO VOTE FOR THIS IDIOT? He's the Token Black Guy and he knows it, and believe me, this guy is smart enough to capitalize on his token status.

4. HE CLOSED GUANTANAMO BAY PRISON. I don't know what kind of insanity has come over liberals but it seems that these days, especially under the reign of Mr. Barack Hussein Obama, torturing known terrorists is verboten. KNOWN TERRORISTS NEED I SAY MORE? There is nothing wrong with torture and the Abu Ghraib photographs I found to be hilarous. Because those kinds of terrorists are not considered people. I know. I've lived among them for 15 years so I'm allowed to say that most of them are fucking idiots. Instead "Hay guyz, why don't we send the terrorists to the Illinois State Prison near Chicago. This is the adult equivalent of that idiotic thing about sticks and stones and how words can't break bones.

5. BARACK OBAMA'S DICK GROWS EVEN LONGER as he speaks all this horseshit about disbanding NASA? Congratulations, you're now on the Air Force's hit list. Keep in mind that NASA doesn't only fly rich people to the moon. George W. Bush wanted to put a man on Mars by 2012. Not gonna happen under the this clown's administration. He's served less than two years and already everyone hates the bastard.

6. HE IS NOT REPEALING THE NO-CHILD-LEFT-BEHIND ACT, a stupid move that George W. Bush made while on a drinking binge. But Mr. Obama, why don't you repeal it? Ah, yes. Because it's a liberal policy. By "liberal" I mean "stupid."

-@llison

In Which Case is Allison in Terrible Pain, What My Luck, Eh?

I hereby do declare that this Satanic pain is seriously detrimental to said's sanity. The post-op pain is actually WORSE than the pain the tumor itself was giving me prior to the surgery. Yeah sure the swelling is *slightly* less, but taking almost 200mg of hydrocodone is making my so god damn nauseous that I think that I will ask for a different medicine with less nausea. Extra props if they're Extended-Release tablets!

But yeah seriously this pain is terrible and the procedure itself required a lot of the surgeons being careful due to the fact that the tumor was sorta between a nerve ending or something being crushed due to sitting on it. Since this put me into unconsciousness for about an hour during the procedure (I was given fentanyl, Valium, morphine, and cocaine hydrochloride as well as another anesthetic, a general one, I think Profanil or something) for about several hours I did not feel the pain due to the half-milligram of fentanyl which is stronger than actual morphine or heroin but does not last as long as the others. But it still provides good pain relief. I know that in a couple of months when the pain is all gone I'll have a greater knowledge of medicine, drugs, and pathology. It's really interesting seeing all the ways a person can get sick or injured. Many of these ways are hilarious.

-@llison

In This Post, Allison Agrees With Barack Obama

Unfortunately, this is one of the terrible cases of paranoid thinking that, like the Jewish Media Conspiracy, turns out to actually be true. There is literally a web site called "The Barack Obama Watch." Why do us right-wingers often have this tendency to get hysterical, overreact, and attempt to micromanage every aspect of the Obama Administration?

Anyway, the point is that while reading said Watch, I found President Obama's stance on the unnecessarily controversial subject of homosexuality and the issues surrounding its practice rather interesting because they sound like what a Republican like myself would say. Obama is against gay marriage, but not for the reasons you would think! It's actually my reason to be against it and I suspect that Obama stole it from me, as if it were the federal income taxes of which he raped me last quarter.

#1. He is against discrimination based on sexual orientation which of course I agree with except in the instance of the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" thing. As a military brat I know the reason such a policy exists and it has more to do with relationships in and of themselves and has nothing to do with homosexuality in particular. Why do you think the United States Army does not put female soldiers in armed combat? It's not like people can control who they like, and inevitably comraderie could become romance. Such relationships could endanger the mission because of favoritism and selected protection depending on the relationships between members of a group. Also, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" does not mean that homosexuals cannot join the United States Army. The policy is meant to keep everybody's sexual orientation secret. Why would such a thing matter during a battle? It would just complicate things. It's the same thing with other branches of the military. I mean, if all homosexuals were banned from military duty, the country won't have a navy!

#2. He is against "gay marriage" but is in favor of civil unions in which the same benefits given to married couples are given to homosexual unions. Why ask for more? All states should allow such a relationship to be legal recognized as a marriage. Homosexuals are human beings like the rest of us and maybe God made them deviate from what is considered normal for a reason; we must consider this. The problem I have here is with the term "marriage." It's always been defined as a partnership or whatnot between a man and a woman. I'm not saying that homosexuals should not be allowed to have weddings. I'm saying this is really petty because they are trying to change the definition of a word.

Don't get me wrong, pettiness is bipartisan. Remember Bill Clinton and Monica's Gate? Or all those paranoid parents who kept their kids home that one day when President Obama was going to speak at a school out of fear of Obamafication. Fox News went all over those things for like, ever! The Obama speech was more "stay in school" than "vote for the party represented by a jackass (is this a double or triple entendre? Nancy Pelosi in this case I will include, mostly because she's literally the Devil in disguise, Joe Biden I will not because no one knows who he is)." Talk about a moral panic. Women. Ugh...I hope I never get old (I shall use Dick Cheney's method of immortality by the consumption of aborted fetuses unless you can think of a better way). It takes more than a simple speech to Obamify that many kids. Fortunately he has a teleprompter to tell him what to say when to say it (don't be surprised. I just assumed he used a telepromter long before the "secret" came out and some Conservatives made a big deal of it.

Anyway I shall stop pointing out my own party's flaws, partially out of fear of consumption by Dick Cheney and partially because I can't think of anything else wrong with the GOP (except for the No Child Left Behind Psychosis-Induced Act and all these fucking Tea Parties, what a lame name).

Homosexuals should be able to have legal unions between each other but call it something other than marriage. Such a thought pattern is bad for the movement to get equal rights since it displays them as petty (oh wait! so does television!). Call it a Union with a capital U. I mean, it even sounds way cooler as a Union. Marriages don't get the privilege of being capitalized unless they're at the beginning of a sentence. Why is this naming thing such a big issue? It shouldn't. It's so petty! It makes Lilliput's rivalry with their enemies reasonable. If you have read the book and understood Jonathan Swift's use of it as a social commentary on the British Empire at his time, you would get this reference.

Anyway, back to the homos. It is the irrational fear by some Republicans (not me) that there is some kind of conspiracy going on that would open up a can of worms. In reality, this is not going to happen because seriously, this is too petty. Give them rights and call it a Union. It's cooler and if I were to Unite with someone of a similar gender that's what I'd want it to be called.

Also, let's place bets on which branch of the military will assassinate him first. The Army sorta has him by the balls (surprisingly yes, he has balls - he accepted the Nobel Peace Prize for doing nothing whatsoever) somehow, evidenced by the fact that he lied about the military's policy of DADT in his campaign back in '08 out of fear of losing credibility to the Army, came up with the godawful fucking idea to close Guantanamo Bay Prison and send the terrorists to a federal prison in Illinois (seriously what the hell?), to disband NASA, pissing off the Air Force and letting the country's economic rivals colonize Mars first, or the Navy, for continuing the DADT policy.

Don't get me wrong. My command to you: DO NOT ASSASINATE BARACK OBAMA because Joe Biden isn't much better, and Nancy Pelosi regularly visits churches to rob them of their charity money. This clown is the best we can hope for until Sarah Palin gets elected in 2012 (hm...that date sounds familiar).

-@llison

Facebook: The Bane of Society

Well apparently now Little Miss Allison is being stalked by nerdy, acne-ridden, Tolkien-obsessed involuntary virgins. That's the last time I reply to a Random, I'll tell you what. When some Lamefag emails me I should stop succumbing to my morbid curiosity. No matter what they say, all DnD-Nerd penises look alike: two inches long and perpetually flaccid due to 30 years of lack of female contact.

I can tell these kind of people from Normals. You must wash any part of your body that comes in contact with such patheticity. Leave the filth there for three hours and your genitals and the rest of your extremeties are as good as having been thrown in that volcano thing that destroys rings. Don't be mistaken, enemies. Those things they refer to as acne are in fact dozens of brain tumors and aneurysms. God has been at war with Tolkien since the day he went to hell. Not even Anton LaVey and Allisteir Crowley would talk to an Orc-Fellating Dwarf-Cum-Guzzler like him. I mean it's OBVIOUS that Saruman is Osama bin Laden and the Orcs are al-Qaeda.

If one of these involuntary virgins asks you if you can integrate E to the X, run away, for like the undead they will persist until you submit to their 2-inch long Viagrafied penises and invisible balls. Don't fall victim to the "Charm" spell. I've seen it turn mice into men. Or was that the other way around? I don't care.

-@llison

Hollywood Returns to Town...Again

Little Miss Sunshine, Contact, the High School Musical Trilogy, Natural Born Killers, The Hills Have Eyes, Breaking Bad, Roswell, and a couple early episodes of the late Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. What do all these movies and TV shows have in common? They've all been set in New Mexico. The latest news in the world of cinema and New Mexico is that the action thriller "Cowboys and Aliens," with Daniel Craig and Harrison Ford will be shot in and around Albuquerque.

Production will start in the middle of June but they started auditions long before this, perhaps in February. I know this from an inside source (ooh, how exciting!) at school who claimed that she was going to be a walk-in or one-liner character in the movie, although that was all she was allowed to say because the production company wants to keep this thing under wraps until its 2011 release.

But...what the heck kind of a title is "Cowboys and Aliens?" I know that it's supposed to be a play on "Cowboys and Indians," instead ends up sounding like only slightly less godawful than "Monsters Vs. Aliens" (which was a halfway decent movie that unfortunately had both the least creative name in all of Christendom and sounds like it's going to be about the justice system. Also, I think there was only one alien in the movie if I remember correctly. Kind of like how "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs" had a single meatball fall out of the sky, remaining on-screen for less than three seconds! I found those to be hilarious ironies, and plus, I've been under the spell of HD since it came out so CGI-made movies don't look terrible.

Why is this backwater abortion of a state so popular? Has no one actually been to Albuquerque? The place where real crimes go unsolved because the police department is wasting their time responding to simple noise complaints that end up violence due to their anti-white racism. These are the same guys who shoot fleeing suspects in the bank, threaten innocent people, and are always assholes without fail. These are the same guys who are using Twitter to capture car theives (they have caught some so far I'll admit), but listen to this:

"This year we wanted to take another approach and notify the public. If those followers see the tweet, then see the car, they can call it in to police." - APD Officer Nadine Hamby

Who would go out of their way to look for specific cars for the police while they're driving, thereby distracting themselves?

-@llison

Stupid Bitch Thinks She Has Right to Violate Son's Privacy.

Here's a news story that should piss off any person with a rational mind. It's about privacy rights and the lack of respect to the privacy of others. Check this shit out:

"The world has officially gone mad. An Arkansas teenager is suing his mother after she moved to counter unsettling posts on his Facebook page by posting her own comments to the account and changing the password to block her son's access.

Although unwilling to share information about all the posts she deemed to be disturbing on her son's social networking page, Denise New of Arkadelphia said she took action after reading that 16-year-old Lane New had driven home at 95mph one evening after becoming angry with a girl.

“The things he was posting in Facebook would make any decent parent's eyes pop out and (their) jaw drop,” explained New in an AP report regarding her son's online activity. “He had been warned before about things he had been posting.”

Lane, clearly willing to go to extreme lengths to regain his original Facebook account (he has since opened another), has now filed a complaint with the local prosecutor's office accusing his mother of hacking into his account and posting slanderous comments.

According to the filing, Lane, who presently lives with his grandmother, wants the court to enforce a ruling whereby his mother would be prevented from having any further contact with him.

“Denise first hacked my Facebook and changed my password,” Lane outlined to the court. “She also changed the password to my email so I could not change it. She posted things that involve slander and personal facts about me life.”

Denise New, who claims she was just trying to be a good mother, faces possible charges of misdemeanor harassment. She also insists she did not hack her son's Facebook account and that the page was left open and unattended on her personal computer.

The complaint will be heard at a formal hearing on May 12."

Although not mentioned in this article, Denise New has a history of mental problems, mental problems that were the reason why Lane is now living with his grandmother because Denise "could not handle the boy." This should be looked at from a moral point of view than a quasi-"legal" one since the government is so motherfuckingly inefficient in regards to practically everything and has the tendency to illegally discriminate based on age. More on Obama's dick later. Sixteen-year-olds are not as stupid as liberals would like to think.

Reasons why this whole thing is ridiculous:

1. Denise New changed the password to Lane's account. This locked Lane out of his own account and is literally stealing something from someone else. This is illegal and Denise should be the one behind bars for invasion of privacy, slander, and probably grand theft as well. Why would any reasonable individual be on Denise's side?

2. As if that was not enough, Denise used her own judgment to deem what was appropriate enough to not be deleted or changed. So he wrote about reckless driving. Solution? Censor his Facebook account! Apart from the posting, reckless driving and Facebook are completely separate things. Maybe Denise will just piss him off more and he'll end up driving his car into a tree. Any halfway-decent parent would ignore anything to do with Facebook in the situation and instead teach him how to drive defensively to avoid getting into a terrifying accident like the kind they show you at Driver's Ed.

3. "Any decent parent?" So now all of the sudden Denise declares herself God and thinks she has the right to decide who is a "decent parent?" A decent parent is someone who has respect for their kids' privacy and doesn't censor out the bad aspects of life by rose-tinting their world, taking all their rights as a human being away. No wonder Lane refers to his mother as "Denise." I wouldn't respect a parent who disrespected me. The optimal scenario would be a parent-child relationship in which both parties respect each other as equals (especially with older kids like Lane here) and solve conflicts together.

4. She slandered him. Denise slandered Lane. How could anyone who is not a moron support this part of the argument for Denise? Saying lies about a person that make them look bad is always wrong. I would assume that she probably posted things that she thought would make him look good after mistakenly believing that Lane tarnished his own reputation by announcing to the world his insecurity and temporary impairment of judgment. Now we also are quick to judge a reckless driver, and I'll admit I didn't think of it either, it's not specified where he was driving. Maybe he was on a county road with very little traffic at night (although driving that fast in the dark is not a good idea, even with high beams). I push my car over 120mph but only on highways with clear visibility during the daytime when there is hardly any traffic. There are probably mitigating factors that we don't know about yet but I think it's stupid that the issue here is hijacking someone's email account instead of the reckless driving at night.

5. This whole thing started at Lane's grandmother's house, where he lives and has been for 10 years because Denise was mentally unstable. It was not even her computer! Or her house! But that doesn't matter; Lane has a right to his privacy and I can see the American Civil Liberties Union stepping in on his behalf. Just because someone forgets to log out of their email doesn't mean it's in the public domain. The morally correct thing to do would have been for Denise to log out of Lane's account instead of looking at his private mail, a major breach of privacy. When I see that someone has forgotten to log out and do what Jesus would have done if they had computers back then: Log out. The Internet has now been declared to be more overdramatic than happy hour at a costume-themed gay bar with alcopops and crystal methamphetamine on the house in celebration of the changing the meaning of a word. And we have the fucking social networking systems causing all sorts of drama you can think of and some you cannot.

What the hell is Twitter even for?

-@llison