Rape: The Latest Trend Among Politicians?

Between the shit that's going down with Al Gore, Tipper Gore, and Molly the Masseuse and this string of rapes that's occurring in the East, it looks like rape is back in style.

Here is a Partial List of Rapists

1. Al Gore - Manbearpig decides to cheat on Tipper Gore (she's no saint either) with a 58-year-old masseuse named Molly back in 2006. If I had any contact whatsoever with Tipper in my lifetime I'd probably cheat too. The funny thing about this whole thing is the way in which he violated her. Trying to initiate a handjob and being turned down is pathetic enough. But then he thinks he can seduce her by playing Pink's anti-war song "Dear Mr. President." How is this supposed to get her sexually aroused? If you've ever heard the song, you would know that it is about Bush, not Clinton.
Mistake: Not having been aborted by his mother.

2. Jeffrey Dahmer - If you're young, you probably don't remember this guy, but he was a White supremacist and serial criminal who killed and raped almost 30 black guys before going to jail. Also, some of them he consumed since delusional people like that don't think about the ramifications of their stupid actions, usually because their mind is tricking them into thinking that "no" means "yes." Needless to say he was arrested and died there, while having a fight with a black inmate.
Mistake: Forgetting that there is a reason cannibalism is taboo. Remember the whole Mad Cow Disease media shitstorm? Well, the cause of the disease bovine encephalitis is pretty much accepted among cattle experts. Do you know what the slurry fed to farm animals often contains? Beef. A cow eating beef is similar to a person from India eating beef. They would not normally eat it under extreme measures or when the restaurant does not tell you the contents of its slurry. If a human eats another human, perhaps once, nothing bad would happen. Eating poorly-prepared human flesh on a daily basis will cause you to develop kiri - the Ironic Disease. Basically flesh-eating bacteria from the badly-processed meat enter the brain and eat you out from the inside. As the brain is consumed, it becomes apparent by their shaky hands, random laughter, paranoia, and manipulative abilities. Don't believe me? Watch The Book of Eli.

3. Barack Obama - The Token Black Guy. I could write a fucking book about how he is a manipulative asshole and still manages to bankrupt the country (don't tell me he inherited the debt from the actions of Bush Version 2.0 and Bill Clinton, both of whom required it for emergency situations. Right now I feel his cock up my ass almost 11%. This is only because my official job doesn't pay shit. No one likes flowers anymore. Barack Obama's idea of imposing higher taxes on the wealthy - he might as well pay contractors to assassinate himself - just to prove a point. My father is a high-ranking military officer in the United States Army. He works hard, helps the United States as a country, and as a reward - he gets taxed MORE. This is basically the incorrect Socialist thinking that all rich people are evil and dishonest. What the fuck, man? Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and lots of Fortune 500 members became rich because of their hard work. My father makes over $250,000 a year in the Army of the United States. He works often on translation from English to another language and helps to train (GOOD) Arabs in being soldiers. Basically I'm talking about an individual loyal his country, even at one point being a POW and some stints with the CIA which are "classified" - it's not like I'd tell! Although I do know many other CIA secrets, none of which I will tell you about now. If I were a lying Communist, then I probably would but as much as I hate my government, The Nation of North America is my home and native land. You can hate the president and his administration but still love America at the same time. I don't even like the bastard, but I don't condone the assassination of the UNITED STATES PRESIDENT. Sure, the man is terrible in my opinion, but assassinating THE NATION'S PRESIDENT just seems wrong no matter what, even if I want him out of office.
Mistake: Becoming President simply due to the fact that he is Black and knew he was the Token Black Guy. He used this to his advantage, because every time I speak of how I did not vote for him, mostly I'm asked: "Why? Because he's Black?" Now who's the racist? =P

Allison's Post Script
I know that most of you guys who read this shitty weblog are racists and whatnot; I don't like Barack Hussein Obama either but treachery aside, do you really wish for the death of this clown? Not me! The presidential line of succession has been tweaked (probably by the Democratic Party) in favor of the current members of the party whose mascot is a jackass, whose president is a jackass, and whose leader is worse than the Holocaust.

PS. Yes I know that there have been other stupid politicians in the past. Even some halfway-intelligent ones sometimes make stupid decisions. Franklin Delano Roosevelt was basically Stalin-Lite. Everyone remembers him as the guy who won World War II (he died and VP Truman took over for the final months). What people do not remember is that he more than doubled the size of the government through "programs" wherein jobless people could join the Civilian Conservation Corps or one of its clones for a dollar a day. This sounds like a good idea when you think about it. But if you think more about it, you start to wonder where the money comes from. YOU! Yes, of course he raised income taxes for the people who had a job. When work was scarce and someone had a job, the last thing you want is for your income to be taxed. The truth is that most people who are rich have money because they work hard. Now the rapist Obama is fining my family for the crime of working hard. If you are reading this, know that he is dangerous and must not be killed. I don't want Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi, or, God forbid, Hillary Clinton attaining power. This is a rare occasion in which I say violence is NOT the answer. Help me think of some better ones.

-@llison J. Fairweather