Rape: The Latest Trend Among Politicians?

Between the shit that's going down with Al Gore, Tipper Gore, and Molly the Masseuse and this string of rapes that's occurring in the East, it looks like rape is back in style.

Here is a Partial List of Rapists

1. Al Gore - Manbearpig decides to cheat on Tipper Gore (she's no saint either) with a 58-year-old masseuse named Molly back in 2006. If I had any contact whatsoever with Tipper in my lifetime I'd probably cheat too. The funny thing about this whole thing is the way in which he violated her. Trying to initiate a handjob and being turned down is pathetic enough. But then he thinks he can seduce her by playing Pink's anti-war song "Dear Mr. President." How is this supposed to get her sexually aroused? If you've ever heard the song, you would know that it is about Bush, not Clinton.
Mistake: Not having been aborted by his mother.

2. Jeffrey Dahmer - If you're young, you probably don't remember this guy, but he was a White supremacist and serial criminal who killed and raped almost 30 black guys before going to jail. Also, some of them he consumed since delusional people like that don't think about the ramifications of their stupid actions, usually because their mind is tricking them into thinking that "no" means "yes." Needless to say he was arrested and died there, while having a fight with a black inmate.
Mistake: Forgetting that there is a reason cannibalism is taboo. Remember the whole Mad Cow Disease media shitstorm? Well, the cause of the disease bovine encephalitis is pretty much accepted among cattle experts. Do you know what the slurry fed to farm animals often contains? Beef. A cow eating beef is similar to a person from India eating beef. They would not normally eat it under extreme measures or when the restaurant does not tell you the contents of its slurry. If a human eats another human, perhaps once, nothing bad would happen. Eating poorly-prepared human flesh on a daily basis will cause you to develop kiri - the Ironic Disease. Basically flesh-eating bacteria from the badly-processed meat enter the brain and eat you out from the inside. As the brain is consumed, it becomes apparent by their shaky hands, random laughter, paranoia, and manipulative abilities. Don't believe me? Watch The Book of Eli.

3. Barack Obama - The Token Black Guy. I could write a fucking book about how he is a manipulative asshole and still manages to bankrupt the country (don't tell me he inherited the debt from the actions of Bush Version 2.0 and Bill Clinton, both of whom required it for emergency situations. Right now I feel his cock up my ass almost 11%. This is only because my official job doesn't pay shit. No one likes flowers anymore. Barack Obama's idea of imposing higher taxes on the wealthy - he might as well pay contractors to assassinate himself - just to prove a point. My father is a high-ranking military officer in the United States Army. He works hard, helps the United States as a country, and as a reward - he gets taxed MORE. This is basically the incorrect Socialist thinking that all rich people are evil and dishonest. What the fuck, man? Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and lots of Fortune 500 members became rich because of their hard work. My father makes over $250,000 a year in the Army of the United States. He works often on translation from English to another language and helps to train (GOOD) Arabs in being soldiers. Basically I'm talking about an individual loyal his country, even at one point being a POW and some stints with the CIA which are "classified" - it's not like I'd tell! Although I do know many other CIA secrets, none of which I will tell you about now. If I were a lying Communist, then I probably would but as much as I hate my government, The Nation of North America is my home and native land. You can hate the president and his administration but still love America at the same time. I don't even like the bastard, but I don't condone the assassination of the UNITED STATES PRESIDENT. Sure, the man is terrible in my opinion, but assassinating THE NATION'S PRESIDENT just seems wrong no matter what, even if I want him out of office.
Mistake: Becoming President simply due to the fact that he is Black and knew he was the Token Black Guy. He used this to his advantage, because every time I speak of how I did not vote for him, mostly I'm asked: "Why? Because he's Black?" Now who's the racist? =P

Allison's Post Script
I know that most of you guys who read this shitty weblog are racists and whatnot; I don't like Barack Hussein Obama either but treachery aside, do you really wish for the death of this clown? Not me! The presidential line of succession has been tweaked (probably by the Democratic Party) in favor of the current members of the party whose mascot is a jackass, whose president is a jackass, and whose leader is worse than the Holocaust.

PS. Yes I know that there have been other stupid politicians in the past. Even some halfway-intelligent ones sometimes make stupid decisions. Franklin Delano Roosevelt was basically Stalin-Lite. Everyone remembers him as the guy who won World War II (he died and VP Truman took over for the final months). What people do not remember is that he more than doubled the size of the government through "programs" wherein jobless people could join the Civilian Conservation Corps or one of its clones for a dollar a day. This sounds like a good idea when you think about it. But if you think more about it, you start to wonder where the money comes from. YOU! Yes, of course he raised income taxes for the people who had a job. When work was scarce and someone had a job, the last thing you want is for your income to be taxed. The truth is that most people who are rich have money because they work hard. Now the rapist Obama is fining my family for the crime of working hard. If you are reading this, know that he is dangerous and must not be killed. I don't want Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi, or, God forbid, Hillary Clinton attaining power. This is a rare occasion in which I say violence is NOT the answer. Help me think of some better ones.

-@llison J. Fairweather

My Friends in General are Spacey

I woke up at like seven in the evening on the floor and Selphie and Enid were arguing with Blythe about something. It turned out that they were blitzed out of their minds and could not fathom the fact that we did not have the thing they needed, thinking he was lying.

As soon as I brought out the twins though, my ever-so-spacey fairweather friends' focus shifted to them. I don't know why people love infants so much; obviously I naturally must love my own, but they're boring since they can't talk. As soon as they learn I will have to ask them: how did it feel to be born?

I wouldn't remember; I was passed out from the morphine. Pfft, natural births, eh. Why not go with the drugs if they'll stop your pain? Just because it's called "labor" doesn't mean it has to be physically unpleasant. Doing it without the aid of medicine does not make you a badass.

Either way, Enid and Selphie will probably be spreading this recent news with the entire quadrant within a couple of days and I'll be getting phone calls left and right. I do not like being popular! As a former child star I've been through that already!

-@llison J. Fairweather

Oh shit.

I am not particularly required to inform you bastards about my mysterious sickness that has been bothering the shit out of me, what with all the nausea and all. Let's just say that the most important point is that I had to pool the money I "legally" earned with that of my significant other for reasons both monetary and "other" reasons.

Fucking twins, what the fuck. Karen Sylvia Plath and Alix Kymberleigh Petra and all of a sudden money money money. Christ I'm going to have to get a second job. Also at least I have a second reason to get married to my fiancee; it is more convenient for me! I love my babies but I ain't going to quit my job at the bank. It's the perfect job, and when I'm not swindling rich white fucks, I have some Access.

Speaking of Access, however, my boyfriend is working on a science-fiction game with MS Access and Visual Basic. His game is more advanced than mine; a Space Mafia is more interesting than a bunch of Black people killing each other with weapons that I create and load myself, eh? Pfft but his Blacks have spacecraft, much more advanced than those from Gayniggers From Outer Space.

I currently am designing a space shuttle to take me to the moon so that I may bring back to Earth some moon rocks and possibly some extinct Lunar life my Love speaks of. Karen and Alix shall be the first infants on Luna, I'll tell you what.

But seriously between my job at the bank, another job which shall not be mentioned, and my Blythe's job with some temporary Alaskan bastards and his other job that needs not be mentioned for the sake of our currency. But still though we have two beautiful liabilities and a DID-affected fiance whose asshole leaks thousands of dollars a month of which half goes towards crack and brandy. Christ I don't think I've ever drank this much brandy in months due to the pain that the MS Contin does not totally fix.

Oh, and by the way, neither Alix nor Karen are crack babies. They'll discover it when they do. In the meantime I must keep all I have to myself and not even tell Blythe about all of it.

-@llison J. Fairweather: Former Child [Pornography] Star (who by the way did not choose those motherfuckingly terrible names for the Kids - that was me obviously).

PS. Yes I do have some pictures from several years ago; if you're lucky you'll see Hottie Allison in all her beauty. No nudity though, unless you subscribe to me by requesting my email address and subscribe to the pale, white ass that calls itself mine. If you want to have sex with me, however, I would have to add some increasingly-ridiculous stipulations.

For the record my Love is reading all that I am currently typing and finds it hilarious. I no longer like the concept of myself sleeping alone or even passing out alone drunk to wake up without Him.

I'm SUCH a girl! No wonder me and Blythe's children are TOTALLY IMMACULATE. My life will become even better later this month from selling a dozen puppies and some money and a box full of emeralds or some other green stones. In addition to exploiting them in order ensure marriage, a Black guy (SHOCKER!) attempted to steal several bars of gold that I've been collecting since Barack Obama seized power. Think of what you are doing! Do you guys think that your STUPID IDEA of ASSASSINATING THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES WILL FIX ANYTHING?

Congratulations; you've just elected the Diabolical Trinity: the Biden/Obama, the Antichrist/Nancy Pelosi, and the False Prophet; Obama again/also Hilary "Whoops I Married an Adulterer" Clinton and Tipper "OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE?" Gore.

Not the kind I want done to me, but hell, even if my Love died of syphilis, emphysema, asthma, gunshot wound, or "accidentally" taking too many sleeping pills. My Love recommends a mixture of vodka, quetiapine, and alprazolam. Hydromorphone is also recommended. Other than nuking oneself from orbit, this is the only way to be sure.

Rapists and murderers and Democrats aside, it's five-thirty in the morning and my girls need to go to bed. So do I; as a studious intellectual four-day-long study binges are necessary. In fact apart from the seizures they can cause, I highly recommend such kinds of drugs. Desoxyn apparently makes me even more wonderful than usual. I must put my daughters to bed because if I don't accomplish a task it never gets done since Blythe is constantly busy. So am I though, but I work fewer hours. I still don't like working here because of all the Mexicans. I painted my very own "NO TRESPASSING ON MY PROPERTY UNLESS YOU WANT TO DIE" after my old sign was stolen by some Mexicans. I almost want to move to Arizona for its anti-Mexican laws...almost. Arizona is not much better than this sewer drain full of illegal immigrants stealing my electricity.

This shit's gonna kill me someday, but eh. Life goes on.

Oh, wait...

-@llison J. Fairweather